Last week on The Fosters, Callie ran away from home, stole some convenience store snacks, and was arrested. Newlyweds Lena and Stef did what they could to find her, but they didn't have much luck. Then, Callie was arrested for snacking too hard. Now they know exactly where she is. Eesh. This week, Jude continues to be the hero of the show, Brandon sucks, Mariana hangs out with an iffy person from her past, and Jesus picks up a new hobby. Oh, sorry to bury the lede, but ROSIE O'DONNELL IS IN THE EPISODE.
Monday night's ep begins with Callie telling a probation officer that she’s infinitely more worried about Jude getting adopted than whatever may happen to her. She's basically like, "I'm not going back. But don't get me wrong, I love Jude! And that's why I don't want to go back." The probation officer is like, "Um... okay?"
During a Foster family dinner, Lena and Stef try to make small talk with the kids. They chat about work stuff, a topic that rarely interests kids (know your audience, Lena and Stef). Jude's not having any of it. He asks, “What’s going to happen to Callie?” YEAH, JUDE. GET THE ANSWERS. What’s going to happen? Well, she’s been arrested and she doesn’t want to come back to the Fosters’ house. Lena and Stef are like, “She ran away and she’s done with us, and we don’t know why.” That’s when Brandon decides he needs to make an announcement: He blurts out “I KISSED CALLIE.” Predictably, this reveal pisses everyone off.
Stef and Lena are especially furious. They’re like, “Hey, dumbass. Don’t you understand what you’ve done? Callie and Jude could be removed from our house. She can't live here.” Brandon is like, “Blah blah blah, I’m a turd in a human costume.” Mariana and Jesus are pissed off, too. Mariana brings up Liam, which really cuts Brandon to his turdy core.
The next day, Lena and Stef go to court and are like, “She’s a great kid. But nope, we’re not taking Callie back.” Their positive words prevent Callie from going to juvie, but she will go to a group home.
Brandon yells at Lena and Stef about not taking Callie back, and they’re like, “Cool it. We’re trying to doing what’s best for her. We hope this group home thing works out.” Brandon is like, “BUT WE’RE IN LOOOOVE, DON’T KEEP US APAAAAART.” Lena and Stef are like, “…”
The probation officer takes Callie to the group home. The group home is run by ROSIE O’DONNELL. So awesome. The girls in the group home sit in a circle and introduce themselves. They have histories of drugs, gangs, and/or serious crime. You know, serious stuff. When it's Callie's turn, she says, “I stole a sandwich.” Callie, sometimes you can be such a Callie.
Mariana has a new crush on theater dude, so she joins the theater department’s costume department. Oh, the things we do. Unfortunately, she'll be working in the costume department with Kelsey. Oh, KELSEY. When the two of them are thrift shopping for costume pieces, Kelsey steals a hat and puts it in Mariana’s bag. Oh, KELSEY. Mariana is like, "THIS IS BAD," but gives the hat to the theater dude anyway, because she knows he’ll like it/she’s crushin’. Oh, MARIANA.
Brandon tries to talk to Jude about the Callie thing, but Jude slams the door in Brandon’s face. YOU RULE, JUDE.
Jesus and Mike play basketball, and it’s adorable until Jesus faints. Whoa, what? The cause: a reaction to his ADHD meds. Lena, Stef, and Mike discuss Jesus ditching his medication and reach an agreement that a sport/physical activity might be a good alternative. I guess it'll help him release his pent up energy and aggression? Mike suggests wrestling. Everyone's into it. Wrestling it is!
One night, Mariana asks Jude if he wants to sleep in Callie’s old bed. Oh my gosh. My heart can't take this. Both of them miss Callie so much! But at the very least, Jude will get to visit Callie at the group home soon, so that’s exciting, right? What possibly could go wrong?
The night before Jude is supposed to visit Callie, Callie gets into a fight with another group home resident. The catalyst: Callie accidentally walks in on Cole, a transgender boy, while he is changing, and both parties are startled. Cole freaks out, but Callie REALLY freaks out and shoves Cole into the shower door. Cole falls through the door and glass shatters everywhere. Cole tells Rosie O’Donnell that he slipped and fell, but Rosie O’Donnell sees through this cover-up. Rosie O’Donnell tells Callie and Cole they will be roommates in order to force them to get along.
Lena and Stef tell Jude that Callie lost family visitation privileges due to an “altercation.” Jude's face just about destroys my heart when he hears the bummer news. Lena and Stef offer to take him to do something fun. He takes off his suit jacket, fiddles with his tie, and tells them that he doesn’t want to do anything because he has a lot of homework. JUDE. YOU’RE CRUSHING ME.
That day, Callie looks out the window of her new bedroom. She notices Brandon standing across the street. She goes outside and runs to him. They hug. Everyone from the group home watches. I don't know if we're supposed to be happy for them, but I do know that both Rosie O’Donnell and I were like, "DAMMIT, CALLIE.”
Image: ABC Family