Vanderpump Rules is the most underrated reality television show out there — which is a statement I'm basing off years of personal research (i.e. watching inordinate amounts of reality TV.) Naturally, what makes this show so amazing is that after all this time (four seasons) the show still has me convinced that the cast members make their livings solely humble waiters, waitresses, and bartenders at Sur —one of Lisa Vanderpump's three Los Angeles based restaurants — rather than, you know, from the money they make being awesome real-life characters on my favorite show. And while it's fun to live in la la land (shout out to La La Kent, who by the way is magic this season), I can't help but feel a pang of inauthenticity every time Scheana Shay asks a customer if they want fried goat cheese balls with their order.
All of this raises a few important questions that I am getting to, I promise. First, what do fried goat cheese balls taste like? And, second, what should you order at Sur, Pump, or Villa Blanca? (Vanderpump's three restaurants) if, say, you happen to make it your life's mission to attend one of these restaurants in hopes of running into Kristen Doute, so you can strike up a convo, and share a glass of Pinot together? I'm so glad you asked.
What To Order At SUR
According to SUR's website, "SUR offers guests friendly, attentive service and sumptuous international cuisine for a truly unique dining experience. Low lighting, candles, crisp white linen, and fresh cut flowers give an intimate touch." Bless this description. Bless it. Here's what to order:
Drink: SUR Cosmo. Make sure to have Ariana make it for you, because, as we learned in Season 2's "Secrets Revealed," Jax and Tom's SUR Cosmo doesn't hold a candle to Ariana's.
Appetizer: Fried Goat Cheese Balls, obviously. (After scouring the Yelp page for SUR, I can now confirm that the goat cheese balls are ubiquitously, a hit.) Just pour one out for the homie (Stassi Schroeder) whenever you order them.
Salad: SUR Salad, for no reason other than, when broken down, it would be called "Sexy Unique Restaurant Salad." That always sounds delicious in my book.
Entree: Grilled Skirt Steak or Jumbo Shrimp Fettucini, as those seem to be the two things diners on Yelp haven't scoffed at.
Dessert: Blackberry Cobbler, because you can later re-create it at home with this recipe, and keep the memories forever.
What To Order At Pump
Pump, referred to as the "Sexy Garden Restaurant" in West Hollywood, is Vanderpump's, newest restaurant/youngest child. Here's what to indulge in while there:
Drink: Pump-tini. Because it's J. Law's favorite cocktail, and that's all you need to know.
Appetizer: Mediterranean Board, since Pump is technically a "Mediterranean" restaurant.
Salad: Lisa's Chopped Salad. One Yelp reviewer writes, "Lisa's Chopped Salad was delish!," and that fully convinces me. Plus, I don't believe Lisa would put her name on a subpar salad.
Entree: Filet Mignon. Vanderpump once called it "sex on a plate", so.
Dessert: Delicate Pink Rose Mousse. Because this is the most Lisa Vanderpump dessert that exists in this world.
What To Order At Villa Blanca
Villa Blanca also happens to be described as a "sexy" restaurant. At this point, we should not be surprised. Here's what to order:
Drink: Red Sangria. I don't know if you know this, but Vanderpump makes her own Sangria. It's available for purchase outside of her restaurants, but is best served chilled, and in her presence.
Appetizer: Ahi Tuna Tartare, because when you go to Villa Blanca, you might as well pick the most extravagant appetizer.
Salad: Fresh Lobster & Crab Salad. The amount of actual lobster and crab you get on this salad is well worth the $18 price tag.
Entree: Pan Roasted Sea Bass. To round out your seafood inspired meal, the Sea Bass seems to be heralded as a top contender on trusty Yelp.
Dessert: Sticky Toffee Pudding. You can never go wrong with Sticky Toffee Pudding.
Raise your glasses high. This one's for you tonight.
Images: Bravo; Giphy (3)