Entertainment

What Does Your Favorite '90s Group Say About You?

I know it's not cool to judge a book by its cover or an episode of television by its title or a mortal by their favorite type of cheesecake or a cat by its meow or a wine by its label art or a Christmas tree by its topper, but I sincerely believe you can learn a lot about a person by asking them the following question: What is your favorite '90s pop group?A human's '90s pop band of choice is an incredibly revealing piece of information. It's basically the equivalent of reading that human's diary. Are you ready to find out what your number one '90s pop band says about you? Let's get to it.

The following assessments are based on years of extensive research and countless studies. Graphs were involved. I most definitely followed the scientific method. I think my college biology professor would be proud of the work I've done.*

(*You caught me. I definitely did not use any science whatsoever to cook up these conclusions. So how did I cook up the conclusions? I just went with what my gut told me, simple as that. But whatever, I think science could support this stuff if science felt like supporting this stuff. That’s how science works, right?)

The Spice Girls

Every time you go for a run, your right ankle aches/reminds you of that fateful day when you rolled your ankle while wearing a pair of platform shoes.

Hanson

You cannot believe Mmmhops is not available in your state. So much so, you've penned your senator many a letter about it.

All Saints

The first time you saw an AllSaints retail store, you thought you’d died and gone to heaven/an All Saints merch shop. You quickly realized AllSaints and All Saints are not the same thing.

Take That

Robbie Williams is your Justin Timberlake.

*NSYNC

Justin Timberlake is your Robbie Williams.

En Vogue

In 1995, you loaned your-classmate-who-shall-remain-nameless your Funky Divascassette. She never returned it to you. In 2007, she sent you a Facebook friend request. You have yet to reply. And you won't reply until she offers to overnight Funky Divasto you.

The Backstreet Boys

You’ve made it your personal mission to tell your friends, your family, your casual acquaintances, that one lady who loaned you a reusable shopping bag at Trader Joe’s, your coworkers, your neighbors, and your neighbors’ pets to watch Backstreet Boys: Show ‘Em What You’re Made Of. The people need to know about Nick and Brian’s “Star Spangled Banner” sing-off!

Ace Of Base

You love that one episode of Full House where Stephanie, Kimmy, and Gia try and fail to play “The Sign” at their school’s talent show.

Cleopatra

Every time you hear a radio DJ, sports commentator, or news anchor say "coming at ya," you can't help but mumble "Cleopatra" under your breath. Like, you literally cannot stop yourself. It's a strange compulsion, yeah, but you're not too worried about it. If it gets worse (whatever that means), you'll see a doctor.

LFO

You get really steamed ever time autocorrect tries to change “funkie” to “funky.”

All-4-One

The very first time you slow danced with someone, it was to "I Swear." It was at your middle school winter dance. You somehow ended up dancing with a kid from your English class who you didn't have a crush on, but you didn't not have a crush on. You were too nervous to make eye contact with your dancing partner, so you stared at the floor of the multipurpose room the entire time. And yet, you cherish the memory.

Five

Smart House is your favorite Disney Channel Original Movie.

B*Witched

Smart House is your favorite Disney Channel Original Movie.

Aqua

Your GeoCities page song was the MIDI version of "Candyman." And yeah, your GeoCities page was POPPIN'.

And what if your fave '90s pop group wasn't included on this list? What does that say about you? Um... *scratches forehead*... It says you, uh, like a '90s pop group that wasn't included on this list. That's what.