What Should I Drink On New Year's Eve? Here's How Drunk 7 Kinds Of Alcohol Will Get You

The end of 2015 is much-too-rapidly approaching — does anyone else feel like it's still October? — and with it, there's one question on everyone's mind: What should I drink on New Year's Eve? Like any good holiday, New Year's Eve is largely an excuse to day-drink, afternoon-drink, night-drink, wee-hours-of-the-morning-drink, and quite possibly continue drinking when your desiccated, hungover corpse reanimates the morning afterward. (New Year's Day, of course, is reserved for laying around in the dark and moaning on your friends' living room floor until you manage to crawl home around 5 p.m.)

We've all heard the claim that champagne gets you drunk faster, an assertion that generations of partygoers have used to justify breaking out the bubbly for particularly festive occasions, along with particularly atrocious hangovers. Unfortunately, research on the subject is mixed; for every study showing that the carbon dioxide in champagne speeds up absorption of alcohol into the bloodstream, there's another bursting its bubble, so to speak. According to the most recent research, however, the consensus seems to be that yes, champagne really does get you drunk faster — or rather, the bubbly part does.

Researchers at the University of Texas tested this by dividing participants into three groups: One drinking straight vodka, another drinking vodka and water, and a third drinking vodka mixed with soda water. Just like your college roommate claimed, the vodka soda group got drunk faster. Unfortunately, they also sobered up faster, much like a sugar rush.

Clearly, champagne is great for getting you drunk fast, but it's not the best choice for the marathon drinking many of us participate in on New Year's Eve. This, of course, begs the question of what you should drink — and that's where I come in. Consider this your official Bustle drinking guide for NYE, wherein we look at seven kinds of alcohol you'll encounter and rate its efficiency in the ancient art of getting tipsy.

Beer

Let's start with what you're most likely to come up against when you're pregaming your friend's pregame: Beer. Tragically, beer isn't known for its high alcohol content; the majority are between three and seven percent.

Probable level of drunkenness: Buzzed enough to talk about cats, but sober enough to worry about all the carbs you're imbibing... Unless you shotgun several like you're auditioning for a part in Neighbors 2. (Don't do that, even for Zac Efron.)

White Wine

White wine may be delicious beyond all reason, but it's only slightly more alcoholic than beer. Fortunately, it's significantly tastier, so the path to tipsiness won't be as much of a chore.

Probable level of drunkenness: Time to bust out the cat photos.

Red Wine

Red wine is white wine's badass older sister, and as such, it has a higher alcohol content — usually around 12 percent, which packs more of a punch than you'd think.

Probable level of drunkenness: Tipsy enough to not care that your teeth are purple.

Whisky

At last, you've reached the real stuff. Whisky's alcohol content varies, but it's typically around 40 percent. Cask-strength whisky, however, can reach up to 60 percent. Here's where you're going to want to start chugging water between drinks.

Probable level of drunkenness: Talking about the time you saw Ian Somerhalder in CVS and he looked at you.

Vodka & Tequila

Despite tequila's well-deserved reputation for wild nights, it shares a similar alcohol content to vodka, which is around 40 percent alcohol. You know your own limits, so drink accordingly.

Probable level of drunkenness: Petting your best friend's face and calling her a beautiful ray of sunshine.

Absinthe

Absinthe is known for its ridiculously high alcohol content, which is typically between 55 and 72 percent. If you want to speed past tipsy and into drunk, this is your drink, but as always, be careful.

Probable level of drunkenness: Picking up a random bra you found on the sidewalk and wearing it on your head to cheer up your friend. Alternatively, being the person who lost a bra on the sidewalk.

Grain Alcohols

Grain alcohols are drinkable, technically, but at 95 percent alcohol, they're practically poison. Do not recommend.

Probable level of drunkenness: Don't find out. Trust me.

There you have it! Enjoy your New Year's Eve, but know your limits — and as always, remember the immortal words of Ron Swanson.

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