Surviving Janus: Why I Think Snow Is Seriously the Worst
Snow! It’s so beautiful! The way it falls from the sky, each snowflake unique from all the rest, is stunning. And when it reaches the ground and starts to accumulate, it’s the stuff of every child and ski bum’s dream. But what about the rest of us? What about those of us who think snow, despite its extra cold, frosty feel, is the creation of the devil? What the hell are we supposed to do with all this snow?
We could, of course, complain, but that really never gets anyone anywhere. You could move to a place that doesn’t get snow, but considering how wonky the weather has been, there’s no guarantee you won’t have some run-ins with the white stuff there either. And since sucking it up and keeping quiet isn’t an option, your best bet is to stew in your annoyance and commiserate with your fellow human beings who share your snow pet peeves.
Let’s cover those snow-related things that, for some of us, feel like a personal assault on all that is good and happy:
Shoveling is a joke. Just when you think you’ve made progress, you turn around to see you have to start all over again.
Even the best winter boots in the world can’t protect you from the occasional wipeout once that snow is packed down into a slushy mess.
Which could possibly lead to this...
(And that just won't be fun.)
Then, of course, is the sogginess of your hair, clothes, socks, the works, that you like to imagine looks like something out of a fairytale.
But in a reality looks like something out of a nightmare.
And leaves you feeling confused, shaking in your boots and begging anyone who will listen for a towel rubdown.
Then there are winter drivers who are a menace to other drivers and pedestrians. Like, who are these people?
And trying to watch your favorite sport just results in total aggravation.
Speaking of aggravation, nothing says, "I'm so pissed I could kick this wall," like being blinded every time you go outside.
(I mean, is this even legal? Can Mother Nature be ticketed for this bullshit?)
But you try to make the best of it; you recall how the snow used to make you feel.
However, you fail miserably, because, well, age.
And your snowman melts into a monster of sorts, because, well, life.
You were fooling yourself, because snow isn't your friend.
It messes up your view, and of course you're stuck inside...
With cabin fever is just 20 minutes away.
And Netflix isn't streaming the last half of Breaking Bad's season five yet.
Everything is awful.
And it's all because of snow.
Is it summer yet?