The ONE Secret To Better Orgasms

When it comes to sex, we're always talking about how to have better orgasms, or stronger ones, or longer ones. Because there's nothing more underwhelming then a "dud" orgasm, so it's natural we would to find new and exciting ways to make them better. But it's important we don't lose sight of the basics. There's one really simple key to having a stronger orgasm.

That's right, our favorite little nugget of nerves: the clitoris. It's got 7,000 nerve endings, the same as the entire head of the penis, but as Psychology Today points out the clitoris nerve endings are all packed in to one tenth of the space — which means it's basically a ball of amazing feelings. It's literally the only organ in your body meant solely for pleasure. You're thinking you've heard this before, right?

But just because we all know about it, doesn't mean we're giving it as much attention as we should. A survey of over 2,300 women by Cosmopolitan found that 38 percent of women who had trouble orgasming didn't have enough clitoral stimulation, while 35 percent didn't have the right kind of stimulation.

So you need to talk to your partner about exactly what you like, because the way we see the clitoris played with in porn is way too vigorous for some women. Everybody's different. And once you figure out exactly what you or your partner likes, you need to figure out how to incorporate it regularly. So what can you do to add more clitoral stimulation into your sex life? Well, you've got options:

1. Foreplay

It all starts with foreplay. If you rush through it and move right to penetration, you're not going to get any of the clitoral stimulation most of us need for orgasm. You need to take your time with it. Whether it's fingering or oral sex or whatever you like most, the best way to focus on the clit is to spend some quality time with it before there's any penetration to worry about. Maybe that's why lesbians have more orgasms. Give it your undivided attention.

2. Use Your Hands

Let's be real, sometimes no matter how much foreplay there is, you still need some clitoral stimulation once you get to sex. Or even if you don't need it, you want it. The best way to do this is to stick to sex positions where your hands are free to join in. It doesn't matter if it's your hands or your partners, if someone can reach it you're good to go. It also means you can work toward a blended orgasm, which comes from a mixture of G-spot and clitoral stimulation, and some women claim is as strong as an orgasm can possibly get.

3. Vibe Away

Don't be scared of the vibrator. The vibrator is your friend. And if you really want to level-up on your clitoral stimulation, nothing will do it better than your favorite sex toy. You probably have tried it on your own, but it can be awkward to introduce toys into the bedroom for the first time. You may worry that your partner will feel intimidated, like you're dissatisfied or they're not enough. Be sure to approach it with empathy and humor, emphasizing that you'd just like to try something new, rather than the idea that you're not getting enough. You can always start with incorporating a vibrating cock ring (or double-sided vibrator), which makes the experience way more intense for both of you, rather than the idea that you are looking for something more.

Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our video on sex positions for small penises:

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