I have found that the only way to deal with our sadness about the far-too-soon death of David Bowie is to remember the good times. Specifically, the good times when Bowie played Jareth, the Goblin King in Jim Henson's 80s cult classic, Labyrinth. There were of course other good times (I mean, have you seen his blue eyeshadow in the music video for "Life on Mars"?), but the versatility of Bowie as a triple threat — actor, singer, and dancer — really shows in Labyrinth. It's not always easy for a villainous character to charm the audience, but Bowie managed to do it with the type of pizazz only he could create.
Now, a quick summary of the film and Bowie's character Jareth: Jareth, the Goblin King is in the market for a baby to do some sort of goblin things to when it just so happens that an angsty teen, Sarah (Jennifer Connelly) wishes the goblins would take her whiney baby of a half-brother, Toby. Jareth is like, "Yeah, sure I'll take that baby off your hands, and, if you want him back, you have to find your way through my labyrinth in 13 hours. Good luck!" He performs all sorts of hijinks to ruin her rescue attempt and also falls in love with her, which is only not weird because he's David Bowie and he can do whatever he damn well pleases in this movie.
The following are nine ways Bowie as Jareth charmed us, even though he was super evil. Those outfits alone are nine reasons for charm, but there are many more.
1. When He Sang And Danced
Sing it, Goblin King!
2. When He Proved He Was A Better Babysitter Than The Protagonist
Look at that happy baby! That baby wants to chill on a throne with a Goblin King not be a normal human whine-bag. And, of course, a man holding a baby is always charming.
3. When He Showed Great Athleticism
He doesn't even have to look at his hand! That's some impressive finger strength and hand-eye coordination there.
4. When He Made Sarah Have A Weird Dance-y Fever Dream
In that moment, we all thought, "Wow look at those ballroom dancing skills."
5. When He Was Sassy
Jareth is a king of the goblins and thus he takes nobody's sh*t.
6. When He Was In Deep Thought
There's something about a person thinking hard about how to get what they want that is beautiful to see. Furthermore, that stick/wand/scepter is really cool.
7. When He Rocked A Mask
That man really had the dramatic reveal down to an art form.
8. When He Offered Sarah His Kingdom
And we all sort of wanted her to take it. Even though it would mean she would be the teen bride of a goblin king. But at least he's a goblin king with great hair, right?
9. When He Had A Good Time
Sure, it's at someone's expense, but who wouldn't be charmed by that sly smile and full-bodied laugh?
But guys, don't take my word for it. Get yourselves a copy of Labyrinth and begin the process of being amazed at the wonderful, beautiful, one-and-only David Bowie. Rest in Peace, Goblin King.
Images: Tristar Pictures, Giphy (10)