This is The Only Way to Celebrate Tiffani Thiessen's Birthday
Oh, happy day! Happy birthday to Tiffani Thiessen! The gorgeous and iconic television star turns 40 today. Wait, really? I thought she was, like, 24. I mean, of course she isn't 24 in the year 2014: she played a high schooler on Saved by the Bell back in the early '90s. If you do the math, it totally checks out that she's 40. I get it. It makes sense on paper. BUT it seems like only yesterday Kelly Kapowski was being crowned Bayside Homecoming Queen. Sigh. She's forever a youth in my mind. You know what? I think I've more or less convinced myself that all of the Saved by the Bell stars are still in their early 20s. If I was on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? and Cedric the Entertainer asked, "Are the Saved by the Bell stars in their 20s? A: No, B: No, C: No, D: Yes," I'd have trouble convincing myself to pick anything other than "D." Should I be worried about me?
Where was I? Right! Thiessen is 40 today. Exciting! Given that it's a big milestone, Thiessen should celebrate. Come on! Why wouldn't she? And who better to plan a party for Thiessen than Kelly Kapowski of Saved by the Bell and Beverly Hills, 90210's Valerie Malone? I know, right? Dream team. Here's how that phone convo might go:
KELLY: (Answers phone) Hello?
VALERIE: Hey, Kelly? It's Valerie Malone. So, Tiffani is turning 4-0 this year... and I was thinking we could host a little soiree in her honor.
KELLY: A party? For Tiffani? COUNT ME IN. Do you have an idea? A theme?
VALERIE: Not really. I got to "throw a party" and didn't go any further with the game planning. All I know is that I want to do something that'll get people talking.
KELLY: Oh… I have the PERFECT idea. POOL PARTY!
VALERIE: You know I'm all about a pool party, Kelly.
KELLY: Uh, DUH. Pool parties are FUN. DUH DUH DUH.
VALERIE: YEAAAAH! It'll be a smash.
KELLY: Who do you want to invite, Val? Should I call up the Bayside ladies?
KELLY: …Because Jessie can be quite the party-starter.
VALERIE: Sure. That'll be good. You can bring the guys, too. I don’t know if I’ll invite my ladies. You know… the other Kelly. And Donna. And Clare. We’re on decent enough terms, but like, whenever we get together, things get dramatic. Petty jabs are exchanged. Eyes roll. It’s inevitable.
KELLY: No biggie. Let’s keep the guest list easy-breezy.
VALERIE: Ugh, you're the best. Oh, quick note: if anyone brings a turkey, I’m tossing it out.
KELLY: What? Why would anyone bring a turkey to a pool party?
VALERIE: You’d be surprised.
KELLY: Oh, okay. I'm not going to ask. Can't wait to PARTY PARTY PARTY.
VALERIE: YAY. Thanks for your help. We'll work out the deets later. BYE! (Hangs up)