Who's Got the Best Bieber Jokes?

No matter what you think about Justin Bieber getting arrested — concerned? find it hilarious? unwilling to admit you know anything about it? — it's what comedians, talk show hosts, and their writers thrive on. Yesterday, Bieber's arrest was like Christmas to two of the funniest men in late night comedy. Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel both cracked several Justin Bieber arrest jokes on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel Live on Thursday. But who was the best Bieber basher?

Let's review some of Kimmel's jokes:

  • "Just when the streets are finally safe from Lindsay Lohan, Justin Bieber was arrested in Miami Beach early this morning... and he's in trouble with his grandparents for not stopping by to visit while he was in town."
  • "No word yet on whether Justin will be charged with a felony or a misde-bieber. But that is pending."
  • "[Bieber] admitted to police that he drank alcohol, smoked pot, and took prescription drugs that night. Which, I think may have just been his way of announcing that he's running for mayor of Toronto."
  • "[Bieber] failed a field sobriety test. Well, of course he failed a field sobriety test — the kid's pants are halfway down around his ankles. How's he supposed to walk a straight line?"
  • "I wonder where it all went wrong for Justin Bieber? Just a few years ago, he was a cute little kid with a bowl haircut. Now he's a drunk-driving, egg throwing, drag racing hooligan."

Let's review Fallon's jokes:

  • "Poor guy. I don't know. [Bieber] in some trouble, man. He was arrested today in Miami for drag racing and drunk driving in a rented Lamborghini, which is pretty surprising when you hear that the only race car he'd been in before that was his bed."
  • "[Bieber] is facing a pretty stiff penalty. They're saying he could get up to two years of being his own neighbor, which is just awful. It's just awful. You don't want that."
  • "I don't know if I'm looking at a mug shot or a Proactiv commercial."

Kimmel hit Bieber much harder in my opinion, but then again, wouldn't you feel tempted to describe Bieber as a "drunk-driving, egg throwing, drag racing hooligan" on TV if you could?

However, Fallon's elusive Bieber-doing-the-beating-heart dance move that gives me the warm fuzzies was also broken out, so that puts him just ahead of Kimmel for me.

You can watch Fallon and Kimmel's opening monologues below and decide for yourself:

Image: YouTube