I feel like in the throws of your first real sleepovers, Miss Congeniality was a perfect girl power flick. It’s a lighthearted comedy with a killer makeover scene to mirror the lackluster makeovers you’re giving each other while watching the movie (lots of blue eyeshadow). But when you stop in and watch the movie as an adult, you end up with a lot of mixed feels. Because not only is the feminism of the film muddled at best, but Miss Congeniality has plenty of weird moments.
To recap the film real quick, special agent Gracie Hart goes undercover at the Miss United States Pageant in order to find some kind of terrorist. There’s only one problem: Gracie is a total mess! She wears glasses, eats pizza, and has super manly footwear! The horror! Will a team of experts be able to straighten her out and make her pageant-worthy? And will she learn a thing or two about her fellow contestants... and herself... in the process?
Uh, duh, guys, come on. You’re not new to the world of modern cinema.
Anyway, for your consideration, here is a slew of side-eye-worthy things from your old time favorite slumber party pick, Miss Congeniality.
1. "If You Weren't A Girl, I'd Beat Your Face Off. If You Weren't A Girl, I'd Beat Your Face Off."
I'm glad we're starting on a fun note of internalized misogyny.
2. She Literally Wore Those Braids And Glasses For 20 Years
That's... not concerning.
3. Academy Award Winner Sandra Bullock, Everyone
That is an Oscar-worthy expression right there.
4. Clearly The Technology Of An Evil Mastermind
This came out in 2000, I'm pretty sure they at least had word docs with the little paper clip by then.
5. Grace Uses Her FBI ID To Cut In Line As Starbucks
This privilege is the closest thing I have to a sexual fantasy.
6. Sophisticated Coffee-Getting Joke, Because She Has A Vagina
Aren't there interns for this?
7. Sophisticated Ben & Jerry's Joke, Because She Has A Vagina
Why are these being kept in a bar?
8. The FBI Is Getting Their Disguises From Dollar Store Knock Off Barbie Dolls
I think I had this game on a CD-Rom somewhere.
9. That Dress With Those Boots?
No thank you.
10. Anyway, They Do This For Like, Hours
Your tax dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen (uh, maybe, I actually don't know if taxes fund the FBI).
11. This Feels Wrong?
I think I need an adult.
12. Loving How Embraced Sexual Harassment Is Here
Just another day at the office.
13. Ketchup On Filet Mignon
That's the appropriate reaction to this.
14. "You'll Be Lucky If I Can Get It Untangled."
Not sure if Miss Congeniality is The Princess Diaries, or if it's just every make-over movie on the face of the Earth.
15. Hashtag No Filter
16. So Her Special Skill Is Playing The Glasses
...but what exactly does that have to do with the Octoberfest get-up?
17. I Hate When People Stick Uncooked Chicken On My Boobs
But God, does it make me feel like a woman.
18. "Describe Your Perfect Date." "That's A Tough One. I'd Have To Say April 25th."
I know we're supposed to poke hardcore fun at this, but that's actually my birthday, so like... same.
19. "Girl Talk? Sorry I'm Totally Drawing A Blank." "Leg Waxing, Fake Orgasms, The Inability Of Men To Commit."
This is spot on, because you don't know how many times I've opened a conversation with my gal pals all like, "Fake orgasms, amirite?"
20. Everyone's Incredulous About Pizza And Beer And Grace Is All, "It's Light Beer And She's Gonna Throw It Up Anyway."
Just... light eating disorder humor, because this movie likes to keep it classy.
21. "One Time I Stole Red Underwear From The Department Store. My Mother Wouldn't Buy Them! She Said They Were Satan's Panties."
Me as a criminal.
22. Cut To Candice Bergen Sobbing And Wearing A Tiara In The Dark
Me on a Saturday night.
23. "I Got You Something!"
And this is cute and all, but when did Grace find a moment to go to the baton store (or wherever you get these?)
24. Grace's New Talent Is Beating Up Men For Sport
This is my kind of pageant.
25. "Cheryl Frasier Is A Science Major. Her Field Is Nuclear Fission With A Minor In Elementary Particles."
26. "What? You Asking Me Out On A Date?" "No. Just A Casual Dinner. If We Happen To Have Sex Afterwards, So Be It."
I'm glad that everyone became a better person after this entire ordeal.
Yeah, it's an amusing yet definitely less-than-perfect film. Still, Miss Congeniality offers some interesting commentary on gender, beauty, and girl talk (it's mostly about fake orgasms), so maybe it's worth another rewatch soon.
Images: Warner Bros. Pictures (29)