Valentine's Day has never really been my thing. I mean, like, sure, it's probably a little because I have yet to experience Valentine's Day while also in a relationship; and yeah, it's probably a little because I seem to surround myself with serial daters so that I'm routinely the only single one; but the whole V-Day routine, with its teddy bears and boxes of chocolate and weird, over-the-top pronunciations of love, makes me uncomfortable. Waffles, on the other hand, never make me uncomfortable, so when I heard that Waffle House is accepting reservations for Valentine's Day, I was like, "Huh. Maybe this stupid holiday isn't so stupid after all."
The last time I was in a Waffle House, it was 4 a.m. in rural Georgia, and I was in the midst of a road trip to Florida. Besides myself, there were three tables of teens winding down from prom, still in their enormous dresses, and two tables of hunters getting an early start on ducks or whatever it is you have to get an early start on with hunting. It was surreal, duh, but oddly comforting. Like the circle of life or whatever.
If you're reading this article and a lightbulb is going off over your head, like, "Wowwowwow, this is what I should do for Valentine's Day, this is always what I should do for Valentine's Day," then head over to Waffle House's V Day database for a full listing of which Waffle Houses are accepting reservations, along with phone numbers and who you should ask for. Based on the Waffle House Facebook, I think a lot of red tinsel is involved. Red tinsel and waffles. Nothing has ever been more romantic.
I think the main reasons behind why I like Waffle House so much are akin to why I like waffles themselves: They're dependable, straightforward, and honest. There are no tricks. You always know what you're going to get. Honestly, a lot of the time, I wonder whether waffles are better than humans. Sometimes, I think they are. Here's why.
1. They Never Give Up
Waffles labor tirelessly to hold as much syrup and butter in each little pocket as possible. They never back away from a challenge. Pancakes just sigh and let stuff slide. So do a lot of my exes. I would pick waffles over both of them.
2. They Never Let You Down
There are two things you can depend on in life: Waffles and yourself.
3. They're Versatile
Savory or sweet? Savory or sweet? Honestly, who cares, waffles kill the game on either end of the spectrum. You know what's not versatile? Zip-off cargo pants. Hiking boots. Man buns (do not crucify me for this opinion, Internet. I think man buns are great... until you take the bun out and suddenly it's just a man with an unkempt bob).
4. They Bring Joy and Happiness to Your Life
Waffles always taste good. They do not stop tasting good even after you've tasted them a bunch of times. They are in this for the long haul. Waffles r 4 lyfe.
5. They Get Along with Everybody
You know what's great? Chicken and waffles. You know what's also great? Whipped cream and waffles. You know what's not great? Chicken and whipped cream. Boom.