In order for relationships to work, you both have to try. Sometimes that trying comes naturally, and sometimes it's hard emotional work. If you're being lazy in your relationship, it doesn't necessarily mean you've given up on the prospect of a happy future. It could mean the exact opposite. It could me that you're so comfortable that you've begun to take things for granted.
Being too comfortable can definitely be a bad thing. As a former Domestic Violence Victim Advocate, and Planned Parenthood Certified Responsible Sexuality Educator, I've seen what happens to couples who stop trying. At first, it seems great, like a weight has lifted, when the realization sets in that you're in it for the long haul. But eventually you stop doing those little things, and this new, lazy life becomes your normal existence.
And before you know it, your partner feels neglected. Resentments brew. Arguments get more mean. And what started out as a loving relationship turns into a troubled mess. But this doesn't have to happen! And if it's already started to happen to you, it's something that's easy to fix. So check out these common signs you're being lazy in your relationship, and if you're doing any of them, turn that boat around.
1. You Stop Courting
Those compliments and romantic gestures that helped you fall in love will also help keep you in love. If you've stopped telling your partner how attractive, funny, smart, and amazing they are, they might start to feel like you don't feel that way anymore. This is easy to correct. Just up your verbal romance game and tell your partner that you're so grateful to be making a life together. It doesn't take a lot of work to stop being lazy. Send flowers once in awhile. Leave post-its on their car keys. Hold hands as you watch TV. Keep the spark.
2. You Stop Flirting
Flirting is essential. Just because you've been together for what seems like forever, doesn't mean that your partner doesn't want to to feel desired. You have to still flirt, to show your partner that you would chose them over and over again. Plus flirting adds some much-needed fun and playfulness to your relationship, which is often one of the first things to go when couples settle in for a long life together. Grab their ass in private once in awhile, or do a sexy striptease as you get in the shower. Even flirty texts are a fun way to show effort.
3. You Start Bossing
Do you always ask your partner to get your drinks, fetch your phone, check the mail, and do a million other little things that you just didn't feel like doing? Or worse, do you skip out on the housework, diaper changes, and bill paying? This is just laziness, period, and it's a line that's hard to uncross once it's crossed. Get up and get your own stuff. Even better, get some stuff for your partner once in awhile, too. Laziness makes your partner feel unappreciated, overworked, and probably annoyed. It's a habit best quashed sooner than later.
4. You Stop Primping
When you've been together forever, your partner has seen your snot face, your ugly cry face, your sex hair, your period panties, and probably those facial hairs that you try to keep plucked. So being camera-ready with full makeup on the daily is just laughable. But you should still do it once in awhile (or your version of looking amazing), just to show your partner that you still care about looking good for them. The feminist inside me cringes a little as I type that you should look good for your partner, but it's less about feeling pressure to look a certain way and more about having pride in your appearance, and putting forth the effort to please your partner, which is something we all need to do once in awhile.
5. You Neglect Special Occasions
Your partner's birthday is not just another day. It's the one your love was born on. Even if they don't care about birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays, you should. These are prime opportunities to show your partner that they are special to you. I'm not talking about big shopping sprees or vacations or anything. Even just a small gesture can make a world of difference. Not doing anything on any special occasion is just lazy.
6. You Make Decisions Solo
Do you just assume that your partner will be OK with whatever you decide, from dinner plans to vacations? Sure, sometimes it's nice to be surprised once in awhile, but actually making the effort to include your partner in decisions goes a long way, too. If you've been lazily assuming too much instead of having those conversations with your partner, time to step it up and start getting their feedback like they matter to the decision making process.
7. You Check Out
We all go through all own stuff, and have those times where we need others to be there for us. But regardless of what life throws at you, when you're in a relationship, you have to stay present. You can't check out and ignore all of your partner's needs because you're having a rough time. Sure, it will be about you sometimes, and your partner probably won't expect you to worry about them during your rough patch, but even just asking how their day went, thanking them for being a supportive partner, and giving loving glances can show you're still present.
Really, just knowing your partner, then making a noticeable effort to be the best partner you can, will go a long way to prevent the too-comfortable laziness. You got this!
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