As someone who was born in 1985, people born in the '90s terrify me. My brothers were born in 1993 and 1995, and that's a whole other level of mind blown. In fact, when my youngest brother informed my boyfriend of his year of birth, my boyfriend visibly shuddered. It's nothing against young people; it's just weird. It's weird that you were born in the '90s, just like it was probably weird to '70s babies that I was born in the '80s. Although part of me thinks it's not as weird for them, because like '70s babies, '80s babies remember a simpler time. Nineties babies grew up in a whole different world.
Of course, intellectually, we understand that this is the natural course of life. But emotionally, we're still terrified by the idea. Babies of the '90s, just wait until you meet someone born in the 2000s when they're a full-gown adult standing in front of you with their pet robots or whatever newfangled thing people in the future have. It's going to terrify you just as much as you terrify me. Here's why people born in the '90s terrify people born in the '80s so very, very much.
1. You Don't Remember Life Before Technology
If you were born in the late '90s, you likely don't know what it was like to not have the Internet at home. You don't remember dial-up. You don't remember what it was like when no one you knew had cell phones and you called your friends on landlines. You don't remember how caller ID and three-way chat were the most exciting things EVER to happen to those landlines. You don't remember sitting in front of a tape deck and trying to press record at the precise moment the radio DJ stopped talking and started playing your favorite song. You don't remember going to the "Video store" to rent Drop Dead Fred or Buffy the Vampire Slayer on VHS.
You were born into a life of technological bliss, and we are the last generation that will remember what it was like before everyone was constantly "connected." This is the biggest void between us, and the one that scares us the most. While we can relate to the technological landscape of those born before us in the '70s, we'll never relate to yours.
2. You're So Young, But You Also Look Fully Grown
How can it be that you're a full decade or more younger than us BUT YOU LOOK LIKE A FULL-GROWN HUMAN? Being born in the '90s makes you YOUNG, so you should look young — not of a similar age to us, or even of a legal drinking age. Get back into perpetual pockmarked, retainer-wearing teen-hood where you belong!
3. You Make Us Feel Old
When we make cultural references you don't understand, that makes us feel old. When we can start measuring our lives in decades and you're still in the "three era" period of your life ("childhood / high school / college"), that makes us feel old. The fact that you're getting older just reminds us that we're getting much older. Basically, you remind us of how uncool we are when we talk about Xtina and you stare at us blankly. And you remind us of our mortality. Which no one likes.
4. We Were Doing Seances For Kurt Cobain While You Were Still Soiling Diapers
I mean, we were cognizant human beings. We liked bands. We got upset when their frontmen died. We understood death. We did seances. We were figuring sh*t out. You were just making gurgling sounds and pooping yourself while we were busy doing important things like FAKE SUMMONING THE SPIRITS OF CELEBRITIES.
5. You Totally Missed The '90s, And We Define Ourselves By It
The '90s were an important era to us, culturally. We love dropping references to and talking nostalgically about that time. Sure, you technically were there, but you don't get it. You never will. And that's weird to us.
6. 2000s Babies Aren't Quite Old Enough To Freak YOU Out Yet
You terrify us, but there's no one to terrify you yet. Millennium babies still look like teenagers, which feels safe and normal. You've got at least another five years until they start being full-grown adults and freaking YOU out the way you freak us out.
7. You're So Cool
Why are you so cool? What's wrong with you? Where is your awkward boho stage? It's like skipping over the early '00s due to infancy left you with nothing but a horizon of cool ahead of you. So while we were rocking hipster flares and pink hair mascara (things that weren't even cool when they were cool), you guys are more "Kylie lip kit" and ombre hair.
For Bustle conversations on everything from '90s nostalgia to being a woman online, check out our podcast, The Chat Room. You can find more on our Soundcloud page.
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