Sometimes you just have to judge a wine by its label, especially when it comes to Hallmark-induced holidays. That's why I've compiled a list of 12 kitschy Valentine's Day wines, because honestly, who doesn't love over-the-top themed vino on February 14?
No matter how you plan on spending this Valentine's Day, I'm confident you'll find the perfect wine to complement the theme of your evening right here. Looking to impress a new love interest? Reach for Bizoe, the South African Syrah whose name translates as "little kiss." It's just enough to let your date know that you're interested without coming on too strong. Planning on a night of unadulterated passion? Raise a glass of Sin Zin and toast to hedonism. Spending the evening with your one true love? Then it's only natural to express those feelings with a bottle of Fantinel's "One & Only" Brut Rosé. Celebrating no sex this Valentine's Day? No problem. Cheers to celibacy and camaraderie with a bottle of No Sex for Butterfly Grenache Noir. Or maybe you're stepping out in style with the girl squad. In that case, get the party started early with Zonin Prosecco's Dress Code Collection.
Whatever plans Cupid has in store for you this Valentine's Day, rest assured at least one of these 12 kitschy wines will express your personal V-Day theme of choice.
1. Zonin Prosecco Dress Code Collection
Zonin's refined collection offers three Prosecco profiles: choose the White Edition for a floral and fruity palate; reach for the Grey Edition if you prefer soft notes of apple and ginger; or if you're feeling extra swanky, opt for the Black Edition which offers creamy notes of rose and cardamom.
Zonin Prosecco Dress Code Collection, $17.94, SaratogaWine.com
2. Bizoe Estalét Syrah
Meaning "little kiss," Bizoe is the perfect addition to any Valentine-inspired dessert fest. Its sweet cherry and spicy pepper flavors pair exceptionally well with dark chocolate.
Bizoe Estalét Syrah, $17.00, wine-searcher.com
3. Sin Zin Zinfandel
If you're looking to toast to animal pleasures this Valentine's Day, look no further than Sin Zin. This 100 percent Zinfandel boasts aromas of black pepper and vanilla along with sultry flavors of dark plum and black cherry.
Sin Zin Zinfandel, $13.99, wine.com
4. Banfi Rosa Regale
Who needs red roses when Banfi's Rosa Regale is just a click away? This delicate and effervescent red wine is the ideal pairing for Valentine's Day chocolate. You can't help but fall in love at first sip.
Banfi Rosa Regale, $20.99, wine.com
5. Two Angels Petite Sirah
Created by artist Jacob DeBacker in 1591, the theme of Two Angels' label is meant to highlight the hilarity of inebriation followed by the trauma of the morning after. Sounds like my kind of Valentine's Day. Petite Sirah's notes of ripe blackberries, black pepper, and silky tannins are sure to live up to the label's suggestion.
Two Angels Petite Sirah, $23.00, wine-searcher.com
6. Adirondack Winery's Soaring Strawberry With Personalized Label
Create your own kitschy Valentine's bottle with Adirondack Winery's personalized Soaring Strawberry wine label. A semi-sweet wine with a super sweet message.
Adirondack Winery Soaring Strawberry, $17.99, Adirondack Winery
7. Fantinel "One & Only" Brut Rosé
Give your one and only the gift that keeps on giving — pink bubbles. The product of an intense love affair between Pinot Noir and Chardonnay, this elegant and affordable rosé pairs well with oysters or sushi.
Fantinel One & Only Brut Rosé , $13.00, wine-searcher.com
8. No Sex For Butterfly Grenache Noir
This French winemaker can enjoy a successful grape harvest as long as the butterflies are kept away — hence "No Sex for Butterfly." Note: French winemaker rules do not apply to humans.
No Sex for Butterfly Grenache Noir , $10.85, wine-searcher.com
9. Marina Cvetic Montepulciano d'Abruzzo
The Marina Cvetic label blossomed out of the professional-turned-romantic relationship between the winemaker and his protégé, Marina Cvetic. Cvetic now runs the winery for her late husband. If that's not amore, I don't know what is.
Marina Cvetic Montepulciano d'Abruzzo, $22.00, wine-searcher.com
10. Villa Gemma Cerasuolo d'Abruzzo
Edith Piaf's infamous song "La Vie en rose" celebrates the joy of finding true love. Pay homage to Piaf and your true love with a La Vie en rose cocktail, which calls for 1/2 ounce lime juice, 1/4 ounce sugar, 1 and 1/2 ounces vodka, and 3/4 ounce Villa Gemma Cerasuolo d'Abruzzo. Shake over ice, and strain into a martini glass.
Villa Gemma Cerasuolo d'Abruzzo, $11.99, YankeeSpirits.com
11. Purple Heart Red Blend
The purple heart honors determination, bravery, and commitment. So if you're looking to do just that this Valentine's Day, give the gift of this velvety Merlot-Cabernet Sauvignon blend.
PurpleHeartWines.com coming in 2016, $19.99
12. Virgin Wines Club Case
Why buy one bottle of wine when you can have 15? Go for broke this Valentine's Day with a Virgin Wines Club Case, which includes 12 bottles of red or white Italian wines, three award-winning Super Tuscan reds, tasting notes, serving tips, and shipping. Virginity not required.
Virgin Wines Club Case, $89.00, g iltcity.com
For more Valentine's Day ideas and inspiration, check out Bustle on YouTube.
Images: Fotolia; Zonin Prosecco; Bizoe; Alexander Valley Vineyards; Banfi; Quintessential Wines; Adirondack Winery; Fantinel; Chateau de Valcombe; Marion Bernstein; Villa Gemma photo courtesy of Amanda Picotte; Purple Heart Wines; Gilt City