We've all had literary crushes, it's part of the bookworm life. The best part about these crushes are the fact that they are limited only by our imaginations. Sure, it's easy to obsessively love those attractive guys we see on the big and small screens (Poe Dameron, anyone? How about a certain modern day Sherlock Holmes?) but when it comes to our literary character crushes, the fantasy sky is the limit. Indeed, perhaps we bookworms are some of the less shallow people, given the fact that our crushes come from nothing but sheer, unfiltered personality. It's either that or the fact that we probably also imagine that these literary men as incredibly hot. Whatever helps us sleep at night, right?
As Valentine's Day looms on the horizon, perhaps you're like me, facing down singlehood and so bitter that you can't even bring yourself to walk down that bright red grocery store aisle full of chocolate and heart shaped nonsense. Perhaps you're just doing you, but sometimes feel that twinge when your coworker has a dozen red roses on her desk. Maybe you just like to have a good fantasy every once in a while... So to celebrate the wonderful power of fantasy, I've compiled a list of eight literary men who are probably really hot. So this Valentine's day, crack open one of these books and bask in the glow of these definitely hot guys. These don't tickle your fancy? Crack open any book, that's the power of reading!
1. Ford Prefect from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
Ford Prefect is not only one of the most underrated characters in this entire series (often overshadowed by his half-cousin Zaphod Beeblebrox, who is probably also hot but does not appear in this article) but I bet any amount of money that he's a certified hottie. Not only does he have a charming smile which is described as being able to "send hitherto sane men scampering into the trees", but he masquerades on Earth as an out-of-work actor, and let's be real that's practically catnip to anyone under the age of 30. I won't lie, when I was an impressionable high school girl just getting into this series, Ford Prefect was my number one literary crush of all time, of course he must be hot!
2. Count Vronsky from Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
This is a bit of a given considering the entire plot of the book, but let's all acknowledge and accept that in order to lead the virtuous and faithful Anna away from her husband Alexei, Count Vronsky has to be one incredibly hot guy. Sure, we know that he's a bit of a pretty boy, but he's also a man in uniform who loves to dress well and to quote ZZ Top, "every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man". While he may not be the most emotionally mature guy in the literary world, this super romantic dandy was hot enough to be the most eligible bachelor in Imperial Russia, much to the despair of both Kitty and Anna.
3. Holden Caulfield from Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
I think we can all be honest with ourselves, if Holden Caulfield had been invented today and was also a vampire, teenage girls (and a few teenage guys) would be pathetically and irrevocably in love with him. He's the brooding, cynical teenager with sexy prematurely graying hair and a quirky fashion style that makes him different from all the other boys. Add the fact that he's a rich boy from New York City with a chip in his shoulder that is just dying to be removed by the right person, Holden is most definitely hot. Could you imagine him playing a guitar? Sure, he'd probably be the guy playing "Wonderwall" at parties, but he'd be so strange and quirky hot that it probably wouldn't matter.
4. Henry DeTamble from The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
Even though the entirety of The Time Traveler's Wife is devoted to how difficult it would actually be as Henry's wife, there's no deny that this guy is absolutely hot. In the book he's described as being pale, tall and skinny with dark hair and eyes. He loves punk rock music, sex, and food, need I say more? There is, of course, the added bonus that he is also a librarian. Sure, Henry is fully devoted to his wife, Clare, and also has a nasty disorder which causes him to bounce around in time so none of us have a chance, but we can at least appreciate his obvious hotness.
5. Joe Kavalier from The Amazing Adventures of Cavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon
Artist, magician, soldier, Joe Kavalier is many things. He may not be a man of many words, but there's something sexy about a talented man, and Joe has that in spades. With his daring escape from Czechoslovakia during the rise of the Third Reich, he's been through more than most of us could ever imagine, and manages to become a successful comic book artist. With his dark and brooding looks, there's definitely something about him, and who wouldn't want a portrait drawn by an artist who is shy, but definitely hot?
6. Edmond Dantès from The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas
In my book, Edmond Dantès hits all of the necessary criteria for hotness: tall, dark, brooding, and was once a sailor. Sure, he started off relatively naive and a little bit arrogant before he went through the trials and tribulations that would eventually cause him to resurface as The Count, but it was basically like taking a the coal of cuteness and pressing him into a diamond of hotness; he was always perfectly workable, but adding a little amount of pressure turned him into something truly special. Sure, he's not exactly the dating type (given the fact that he's a lot more obsessed with getting revenge on every single person who ever wronged him) but that doesn't stop the fact that he's definitely hot, just ask his ward!
7. Aragorn from The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
Back when the movies first came out, I was entirely about Legolas. Now I blame the bone structure of Orlando Bloom more than anything. Now that I've grown older and have read the books again, its all about that Aragorn, baby. Sure, every single elf in the book is ethereally gorgeous and immortal, but Aragorn was so hot that nearly every single female character in the trilogy (all three of them) had the hots for him. Arwen Evenstar, known by the elves as the fairest among them, actually gave up her immortality to be with him. Éowyn, a shield maiden of Rohan and all around badass also knew what was up when it came to this soon to be King of Gondor.
8. Remus Lupin from the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling
My love for Remus Lupin is well documented, but what I failed to mention in that article was the fact that he was definitely hot. Sure, his handsomeness was not mentioned as much as the handsomeness of Sirus Black (i.e. every other descriptive Sirius sentence), and the girls at Hogwarts did not moon over him as much as they did Gilderoy Lockhart or even Firenze the centaur, but that's only because teenage girls don't have a clue about how hot a talented that carries chocolate wherever he goes can be. Do you know who properly appreciated the hotness of Remus Lupin? Tonks. She understood the low-key hotness of that sexy werewolf.
Image: Universal Pictures