We Need To Talk About Cole Sprouse

by Michelle McGahan

If the picture that pops into your head when you hear the name "Cole Sprouse" is accompanied by a pre-pubescent, mop-topped blonde kid, let's get you educated. While that's a fair memory to have — after all, Cole and his twin brother Dylan are most well-known for their pre-teen days on Disney Channel's The Suite Life of Zack and Cody and for sharing the roles of Ross Geller's son Ben on Friends and Adam Sandler's kid in Big Daddy — it's time to update that mental picture. Particularly because Cole Sprouse just announced that he is playing Jughead on the CW's Archie Comics-inspired Riverdale series and has been up to a heck of a lot since those Zack and Cody days. (And I don't just mean awkwardly locking eyes with a fan through the crack in a bathroom stall, although that happened too and his retelling of the cringe-inducing moment may have made me laughed so hard I choked on a cracker. Fortunately for us all, we can explore that in-depth below.)

Since the OG Suite Life ended in 2008 — and all iterations of the show completed their run on the Disney Channel in 2011 — there's been a significant chunk of time for the Sprouse twins to get things done. And get things done they did, taking a break from the entertainment industry to focus on their educational pursuits and go to college. But now that Cole has announced his return to acting, it's time to catch up on all of that stuff in-between. Leggo.

He Is Well Aware Of The Importance Of Jughead's Character

With the revelation that Jughead Jones is asexual occurring just days before Cole's announcement that he was cast in the CW role, it does not seem like a coincidence that the actor took it upon himself to stress the importance of the character and how he will do his best to do right by the Archie fan base.

"To the Archie fans," he wrote on Instagram, "As you know, an actor is only one ingredient responsible for the way a character takes shape. Jughead is a very well established and beloved character from a very forward thinking comic series. I personally intend on representing that narrative very faithfully. I'm very aware of what he represents to his fanbase and for character representation as a whole. From my side, I got you guys, and considering the CW is very well versed in comic adaptations, I'm sure they do too. (And yes I plan darkening my hair.)"

He Has An Instagram Account Entirely Dedicated To Taking Pictures Of People Taking Pictures Of Him

AND IT IS GENIUS. If you haven't been following @camera_duels on Instagram, you need to change that immediately. In addition to the concept behind the account — calling out fans attempting to take stealthy photos of him and beating them to the punch — Cole's commentary is gold.

But He Also Has A Legit Photography Account, Too

While there's an occasionally silly selfie thrown into the mix here, @colesprouse (the Instagram account, not the person) is mostly used for the actor's photography pursuits.

He Graduated From NYU In 2015

The Sprouse twins' 2015 college graduation made headlines — OMG, Zack and Cody graduated!

...Where He Majored In Archaeology

When asked how he identified himself, Cole didn't mince words, telling Written Citizen, "I'm an archaeologist. I studied archaeology. That's the profession I want to be in and that's what I want to be understood as." Obviously taking after his TV dad, Ross Geller: Paleontologist.

His Best Fan Encounter Involved A Fan Awkwardly Making Eye Contact With Him Through A Crack In A Bathroom Stall

I man-cackled my way throughout this entire story, so I'll let this kind of Shakespearian poetry speak for itself. To set the scene, the Sprouses were eating in a restaurant and were noticed by every kid in the place.

Then, I’m like, "Urg, I got to go to the bathroom," and I get up and about sixteen other kids get up with me. So, I start walking to the bathroom and I'm praying it's a one-person stall. I open the door and sure enough, there are rows of toilets. I go down because I'm going number two. I hate to be so "vulgar," but I needed to go poo. I sit down on the toilet. It’s a timer. I'm just waiting for these kids to bust down the door. Sure enough, about two minutes pass. These young boys run in like, "Hahaha, where is he?" I don’t know what to do so I lift my legs up so they can’t be seen underneath the crack of the stall. One goes, "Hey Jimmy, hey Jimmy. Let’s go and find him!" So they send out like a little scout. At this point, I’m just like "What the hell is going to happen?"

One by one, you can see these little kids' feet and it's like these light up Sketchers. He goes from stall to stall to stall and then he gets to mine. Through the crack of the stall, I lock eyes with an eight year old, okay? Now I’m sitting on the toilet in my most vulnerable face and I’ve never felt more naked in my life. Of course, when he locks eyes with me, it's a deer in the headlights. We lock eyes and we’re engaged in battle. So what feels for about fifteen f*cking minutes, this kid and I are staring at each other.

All of a sudden, he just turns around, walks back to his friends, and goes, "We gotta go." I guess the moral of the story is if you don't want people to take pictures of you, go to the bathroom and show them the sides of yourself you never wanted anyone to see.

He Straight-Up Owned Halloween

Clearly, Cody Martin isn't the only Disney character he can play. (Petition for a live-action Atlantis starring Cole Sprouse as Milo begins now.)

No, He Was Not The Twin With The Leaked Nude Photo — But He Did Joke About It

After nudes of his brother Dylan leaked online, Cole did what any brother would do and publicly joked about the size of his peen on social media.

And Yes, He Sees Those Thirsty Comments You're Sending Him On Twitter

They only make him stronger.

To Sum It All Up: Cole Sprouse Is Fine As All Hell

The end.

Images: Giphy (2)