OK, so you know how everyone always talks about how Valentine’s Day is the day of love? Well, Valentine's Day sex is important too. Come on now: What do you think all of the booze and chocolate is really for? Doing it, obviously. And, unfortunately, even a V-Day lover like me cannot deny the very real — and very ugh — association between all of those boxes of jewelry/bottles of wine/expensive dinners and an increased expectation of men worldwide that a woman should “put out” as a result. However, that doesn’t mean that Valentine’s Day can’t be about sex and also sex positive .
So, first of all, let’s take out the assumption that anyone “owes” sex to anyone else, for anything. Sex is something that should be done because both people are feeling each other and want to feel up on each other. No one — not your wife, not your boyfriend, not that scantily clad hottie in the club — owes anyone sex. Let’s make this the starting point of our sex-positive Valentine’s Day: No one owes you sex; you owe no one sex. OK? Awesome. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about these eight ways that you can celebrate Valentine’s Day in a sex-positive way.
Sex and relationship advice guru Dan Savage says it every year and I’m going to repeat it here: F*ck first. That means that if having sex on Valentine’s Day is important to you, make sure to do it before you go out for that big, romantic dinner and stuff yourself with delicious food, wine, and desserts. Because you know what happens after you eat and drink a lot? You sleep. Or you feel gassy and the last thing you want is to be banging it out.
So: f*ck first. Valentine’s Day is on a Sunday this year, so do it in the afternoon before heading out. Do it in the morning, if morning sex is your thing. You get the idea.
2. Stand Up For Your Health
It can be hard sometimes to push for protection, but don’t let the romance keep you from advocating for your own sexual health on Valentine’s Day. Protect yourself in whichever way works best for you, be it with condoms, a diaphragm, or by sticking to other types of sex that aren’t intercourse. Standing up for your health and enjoying doing it with a partner who respects for you it is about as sex positive as it gets.
3. Forget Jewelry. Give A Sex Toy!
Pffff, who needs blood diamonds anyway? A high end sex toy can cost as much as a piece of jewelry but trust me: it’ll bring even more pleasure. Even a less costly piece will put a smile on your partner’s face but if you want to go high end, check out basically everything that LELO or Crave makes.
Or you could do both — jewelry and sex toy — and get a Vesper from Crave, which is a lovely vibrator disguised as a pendant.
4. Share Hookup Stories With Your Friends
Whether you’re partnered or single, sharing hookup stories with your friends is always a good time — and a great way to be sex positive. Have a good laugh about mishaps or cheer each other’s best sex stories! It’s a fun and silly way to fight back against the all too common slut-shaming that women usually get when it comes to hook ups.
5. Ask Your Partner About Their Fantasies
And tell them yours in turn. There’s nothing hotter than sharing fantasies with a lover, so why not take the opportunity of the one day of the year that’s all about sex and love to put it all out there? Who knows; maybe it’ll turn into not just talking about fantasies but acting them out too…
6. Wear Something That Makes You Feel Sexy
I don’t just mean lingerie, although definitely grab the lacy pieces if that’s what you’re into. Some people feel sexy in a thong; some people feel sexy in a men’s button down. Whatever it is that makes you feel fly, do it up!
7. Sext It Up, All Day
Sexting is hot. Sexting is pre-foreplay foreplay. Sexting is a great way to ensure that both you and your partner are ready to get down and tear each other’s clothing off when the time comes. Whether you’re into sexy selfies or just like to talk dirty via text, get your sext on for Valentine’s Day.
8. And Be Chill If Your Partner Doesn’t Want To Do It
Because being sex positive isn’t about having sex all the time. It’s about respecting each other’s choices and preferences, even when that choice and preference is to not have sex. If your partner isn’t interested in having sex on Valentine’s Day, please don’t try to pressure them into doing it because of some cultural idea that you have to on February 14. Instead, take the time to listen to why they’re not into it. You might learn something important.
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Images: Andrew Zaeh/Bustle; Giphy (7); Crave