Every generation has a weird fear about the next wave of people living on the planet. It's just the way the world works. Maybe it's the fact that younger people tend to remind us of our own mortality, or maybe it's because we just want to believe we're the most important age group alive. Either way, we tend to be irrationally afraid.
Somewhere down the line, everything changes. Somehow, our weird television obsessions that we rationalized in middle school (I'm looking at you, South of Nowhere) seem totally normal compared to what the kids are watching these days. Also, you start saying things like "what the kids are watching these days". The clothes people wear are alien to you, and the music they listen to seems repetitive and childish. Never mind the fact that you spent most of high school belting out What's My Age Again and figuring out the lyrics to "Tipsy" by J Kwon as your Sketchers Shape-Up's faded from use. What I'm trying to get at, is that, every generation has some regrettable choices to make, and I am happy to know I've made a lot of mine already.
As I look at my best friend's younger sister I am amazed at how cool she is. Seriously. When I was younger I didn't wear cool clothes, or have a lot of dope friends, or good taste in anything. She, on the other hand, is killing the game. I know this because I basically cyber stalk her on Instagram — which I learned isn't even a cool app to use anymore! Her generation is instilling a fear in me. A fear that '00 kids are cooler, more important and generally better off than my '90s generation. So here are the things that terrify me about you, '00s babies:
1. You Never Lived Your Life Without The Internet
There was a time where you and your friends couldn't just Google the lead actor in your favorite show and find out literally everything about them in seconds. Movies and music couldn't be streamed online and Kim Kardashian wasn't a thing. I know, insanity. It scares me to know that people will never know what it's like not to have Google Maps directions to a friends house. Or THAT GOOGLE IS JUST A WORD WE USE IN EVERY DAY CONVERSATION. If anyone has a hope of stopping the robot uprising, it's the '00s generation.
2. Marketers Don't Even Care About Our Generation Anymore
And why should they? Generation Z is kicking our butts in every field! By 2020 Generation Z will account for 40 percent of all consumers. Why would the fact that I want slower scooters and faster Internet matter, when my friend's sister and all of her friends need an app to deliver printer paper right to their door? There is money to be made and Generation Z is about to shell out. I am terrified.
3. Smart Phones Are Just A Thing For You Guys
I remember when I got my iPod classic as a birthday gift. It was everything and more. It didn't have WiFi access or apps — it certainly didn't have a touch screen. Now, anything less than a stellar performance and '00 kids are not even close to being impressed. How?! HOW?! Smart phones are just a normal thing to have and own. I'm still rocking my 5s while people are clamoring for the new iPhone 7.
4. Walkmen, CDs, and Tapes Are Punchlines To You
My car has a tape deck. I have an impressive binder of CD's I like to bust out on long road trips. The '00 generation will never know the struggle of having your Walkman batteries die half way through your jam session. I'm afraid that they will never learn sympathy when dealing with someone who cannot find their Now 4 CD.
5. Your Disney Crushes Seem Soooooooo Young In Comparison To Ours
Looking at the kids on Disney Channel today is so weird. They are baby-faced kids (absolutely killing it, but still). I remember the Disney Channel stars looking a lot older than the ones on screen today. Or at least, they must have seemed older to me since I was younger at the time. Either way, hiding under my blanket tonight.
6. You Know How To Do Make Up Like A Pro
When I learned how to do a winged eye using liquid eyeliner, it was like my entire world suddenly changed. I look at the next generation and they are all contouring and highlighting in a magical way. THEY ARE PROFESSIONALS, and all they used were YouTube video tutorials and tips from people like Kim K. Amazing. Hopefully I don't have to teach my kids anything because all of my advice is useless and they are better off going online.
7. You Will Never Know The Joys Of Playing Pinball On Your Computer
I'm afraid that younger people will never know what it's like having to play pinball on your computer because your Internet is not working. Because I remember doing it. And it was the most bittersweet emotional rollercoaster I have ever been on. What will they do without this kind of harrowing experience to shape them?
8. You Never Had To Share A Family Computer
Kids from the '00 generation will never understand having to share their computer with an entire household. Everyone has a tablet, or a laptop or even a phone that can connect them straight to the Internet now. I remember having to do school projects and crying because I accidentally went on a porn site on the family computer. Those type of traumatic experiences are crucial for development and growth. I'd hate an entire generation to avoid it.
9. You Had Access To Myspace, Then Facebook and Now Kik
It scares me to know that people younger than I am will never get to experience someone they don't particularly care about disappearing from their lives. If there is someone I don't like, I just ignore them. For the generation below me, they have access to all of their social media. Even if you don't follow someone, you will have other people's stories pop up in your news feed randomly featuring those people you don't care about. No escape.
10. Your Entire Life Is Documented
It's very scary to know that everything my friend's sister does is documented in some form online. Awkward, embarrassing, helpful, whatever. She will have a footprint about her for the rest of her life. If it's not on Facebook, it might as well not have happened.
11. Your Clothes Are Better
IT IS SO UNFAIR. Younger people just dress so much better than I ever did. I used to wear turtlenecks with vests, people! I guess it scared me to know that these fashionistas will never experience the awkward stages of growing up wearing weird fitting cargo shorts.
12. You Are So Environmentally Conscious
Gen Zers are do-gooders; they want to make a difference in the world. Statistics show that 26 percent of 16- to 19-year-olds currently volunteering and most are thinking about their impact on the world. I was trying to figure out how to get a boy to kiss me.
13. Every One Of You Has The Potential Of Being A Steve Jobs
It looks like 76 percent of Generation Z hope they can turn their hobbies into full-time jobs! That's a very noble goal and I hope that everyone of them accomplishes that. I, on the other hand, will be in a corner crying because I didn't think that was possible growing up. With access to limitless research and technology, there is nothing you guys can't do.
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Images: Giphy; Disney