Tired of losing important files or have some extra room in your butt? Then I have found the perfect sex toy for you: a butt plug USB exists, because the human mind is a fascinating and confusing thing. It's available on Etsy, because of course it is.
It is literally a butt plug that has a USB (with a protective cap, thank all that is holy) sticking out of one end. I mean, that's amazing enough, but I think my favorite part has to be that they advertise the butt plug as being made with "tender" silicone. I don't know if they is a technical term for a type of silicone, but I really just hope it's how the seller personifies the butt plug in their own mind.
Actually, the whole write up is pretty amazing. I mean, the first line is "Never forget those important files again, don't keep them with you, keep them IN you!" which is perfect. And under the special features they list "maybe wizards?" and "Kinda feels like you're part of the Matrix", which is all I've ever really wanted from a sex toy/data storage combination. And it does seem to be just like all other butt plugs just with a bonus. There is a photo on their Etsy page to get an idea:
The creator, Jesse Lindsay, spoke to The Daily Dot about how this came about:
A few months back I was working as a bouncer at a strip club here in Portland, where a bunch of the girls were wearing them onstage. I would get random commissions from them to make custom plugs. On a particularly slow day we were all joking around, kicking ideas back and forth about more practical applications for them, things like Swiss Army knife, flashlight, GPS locator, and data storage device popped up in conversation. A few drinks later I started putting these ideas together and the rest is rectal history.
And thus genus is born. Here are some other techie sex toys you should know about:
1. The Master Beta Kit
An orgasm and a pun go, what more can you ask for? Well, it's actually a custom bullet vibrator that you can program with your own vibration patterns while it teaches you code. Talk about a two for one.
2. Virtual Reality Porn
Probably the most accessible of all the really techy things (once you buy the equipment), virtual reality porn jumped on the seen last year and people effing loved it. You feel like you're in the porn— or even on a date— and the interactive experience is way more than the average porn viewing. You have to have the weirdo goggles, but then there are loads of porn and experience to choose from.
3. Teledildonics
God, I love using that word. It's like something you'd find in a porn in Kilgore Trout novel. But it's also becoming more and more of a real life thing. Basically, the idea is robot-assisted sex toys, that will help you feel what's actually going on in a porn — or maybe in long-distance sex— in real time. All over your body. The technology has apparently been in development for years and years, but it's just starting to be on the fringes of the mainstream now.
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Images: Andrew Zaeh/Bustle; GlowFyourself/Etsy; Giphy (3)
