After a horrible breakup the last thing you can think about is being friends with your ex. Your head might be going a million miles a second thinking of all the things you and your former partner could have done differently. Maybe you’re filled with regret, anger, and/or frustrations. What you’re probably not feeling is the excitement to start a friendship with him or her. However, as time passes, your thoughts regarding your previous relationship will most likely start to shift. Most people eventually gain clarity and start to feel differently about exes after a solid chunk of time. In fact, you could even realize that you miss your ex, but not necessarily in that romantic, "I want to be with you again" kind of way — but more in the, I miss you as a friend, way.
Having a Masters in Counseling Psychology and being a relationship/life coach, I know the different dynamics of relationships, both old and new. While some might tell you you should never be friends with an ex — I’d say never say never. Maybe you two weren’t destined to be lovers, but in fact, friends. Here are some signs that you may be ready to be friends with your ex.
1. You Can Have Conversations About Other Crushes/Hook-Ups
If you can imagine your ex talking to you about his latest crush or last hookup and you don't have the urge to eye roll or cry, then it's safe to say you've moved past that relationship. After a breakup, the worst thing to imagine is your partner being intimate with another person. Talk about excruciating pain. So if you wouldn't even flinch if your ex were to drop some dirty details, then you two are on another level, congratulations.
2. You Don’t Stalk Him/Her 24/7
If you are currently stalking your ex on social media, you've probably got some things you still need to work out. Checking his or her Facebook and Instagram to see any and every update shows that you still care a little too much to be friends. Talk to me when you've forgotten the number of his or her Instagram followers.
3. You Have Fully Healed
After every breakup, you need to heal. I know you probably want to move on and keep yourself busy, but that isn't necessarily the healthiest way to go. You should grieve the relationship for what it was and what it isn't. Once you heal from the end of the partnership, you might have the ability to have a different kind of partnership with your ex – a friendship.
4. You Aren’t Filled With Resentment
A good friendship doesn't involve resentments. Therefore, if someone were to bring up your ex and all you see if red, you need more time to heal. But, if you have taken the time to forgive and truly forget, you may have a chance at being true friends. If you feel like you and your previous partner could laugh about some of the old arguments you once had, then you two are off to a good start.
5. You Miss The Friendship But Not The Love
Sometimes it's hard to know if you are reaching out to your ex if you have any ulterior motives, even when it comes to yourself. You may say you "just want to be friends," but secretly inside you are hoping a spark might happen again. If you can say 100 percent you don't miss the love and you only miss the friendship then it's time to start looking for a BFF friendship bracelet.
6. You Are Already Crushing On Someone Else
The good news is that if you are already crushin' on someone new then you might be able to create a new friendship with your previous beau. One of the signs of truly moving on is when your heart has moved on as well. If you are head over heels for another person, then it's likely you are able to have a platonic relationship with your ex. Your mind is somewhere else, instead of your ex.
Being friends with an ex is 100 percent not for everyone. It's hard and can be complicated, so before you make any decisions on the new friendship and old relationship, evaluate if you're really ready to make the plunge.