The '90s Band That Matches Pefectly With Your Zodiac Sign
As the years go by, there seems to be two things that never change. First, our zodiac sign. Second, our unflappable love for the ‘90s. The latter is only mildly concerning considering the ‘90s wrapped up almost two decades ago, but so it goes: you look to that time as an era of top tier television, fashion, and music. Well, great news: now you can look to the decade to sum up your sign, too, because I’m going to tell you what ‘90s band is for you based on your star sign.
Well, more or less. I hand picked a few defining traits from each astrological animal (or woman, or centaur-thing) and linked it up to quasi-appropriate bands. Of course, I can’t please everyone, as I’m summarizing each sign with brief generalizations. My advice? Considering I’m not an Astrology expert, I would take my match-ups with a grain of salt. Or a heavy tea spoon of salt. Or, you know, just go crazy and load up on the sodium before you scroll down.
Once you’ve swallowed that disclaimer, then we’re ready to have some fun. For your consideration, these are the ‘90s bands that are your star sign soul mates.
Aquarius (January 21 — February 19): R.E.M.
If you're an Aquarius, the good news is that you're probably an intellectual of sorts, and you probably spend a lot of time pondering who's that in the corner, who's that in the spotlight (it's Michael Stipe, and I think you two would get along).
Pisces (February 20 — March 20): Nirvana
Nirvana was such a monolith in the early '90s that it feels almost unfair to gift this band to any sign, but there's a clear bias here: Kurt Cobain was a Pisces. You can see his artistic side bleed into the album artwork, and you can see that water flow imagery flow all over the place, from the Nevermind cover to the "Come As You Are" video.
Aries (March 21 — April 20): *NSYNC
I'm gonna say this is because they were a boldly passionate crew that enthusiastically claimed their stake as potentially the most important pop band ever.
Taurus (April 21 — May 21): Pearl Jam
My sign! You, Earth Child, are stable and practical enough to make cameos in Cameron Crowe films and keep your career going well into the 2010s, unlike some of your less fortunate, more heroin-addled peers. Nice.
Gemini (May 22 — June 21): The Spice Girls
Gemini gets a lot of shade because those who fall under the sign can be so dual-sided and indecisive. That said, it's a perfect match up with your favorite multiple-personality-disorder band, The Spice Girls.
Cancer (June 22 — July 22): Hole
There's another bias here, because frontwoman Courtney Love's star sign is Cancer (and I don't want to hear any jokes here, Hole's my favorite band, and I will fight you). If that wasn't enough, the word "tenacious" is what first comes up when I investigated the sign's traits, so...
Leo (July 23 — August 21): Destiny's Child
Even though the lioness was still a cub when the band started out in the very late '90s (and really they picked up speed at the turn of the millennium), I would have to say that a band that's 1/3rd Beyonce definitely resonates with Leos. You know, if only for that mane alone.
Virgo (August 22 — September 23): Bikini Kill
This was tricky, because, musically speaking, does Bikini Kill match up with the meticulousness of a Virgo? Hell to the no. Le Tigre may be a decidedly better match. But the band redefined womanhood and all that, so yeah.
Libra (September 24 — October 23): The Goo-Goo Dolls
Libras care about being fair, just, and non-confrontational. So, yeah, you're The Goo-Goo Dolls. You're not trying to have any band-on-band feuds or become voices of a generation, you just want to write a song for the City of Angels soundtrack and peace out.
Scorpio (October 24 — November 22): Nine Inch Nails
Dark, dark, dark, you're pretty much the Prince of Darkness, even if you happen to be a girl. Obviously, you're Nine Inch Nails aka Trent Reznor aka someone who should hang out with me immediately (I have a soft spot for Scorpios and princes of darknesses alike).
Sagittarius (November 23 — December 22): Blink-182
If you enjoy your freedom, you have a killer sense of humor, and you will say whatever comes to mind even if it might not be the best idea, then my mind conjures up images of three naked men running through the streets.
Capricorn (December 23 — January 20): Hanson
A true professional and a family-oriented one at that? You match up well with the one boy band that's made up of brothers who actually play their instruments.
And there you have it. Hopefully these picks, however skewed they may be, are a match made in heaven. And, if they're not, hopefully I've turned you on to some new, amazing '90s music. Win/win.
Images: Giphy (12)