Back when my life revolved around jelly sandals, gel roller pens, and my collection of jumbo-sized Beanie Babies, no serious decision was ever made without first checking my horoscope. Granted, I obviously didn’t need to consult the stars about my sex life back then, for it was non-existent, but I did need to make darn well sure that Saturn was in the optimal position for utmost success before I passed Jimmy a Post-It that said, “Wanna go see Pirates of the Caribbean with me? Check one: Yes [ ], No [ ].”
Now that I’m significantly older (and all of my gel pens have dried out; heartbreaking, I know) I don’t really check my horoscope much anymore. That being said, part of me still clings to the concept that our futures and personalities are just tad bit out of our hands. In a time that’s all about cold hard facts, it’s fun to think that your astrological sign can tell you which book you’ll really enjoy reading, or whether or not you’ll end up falling in love this year.
So, in the name of both adulthood and horoscopes, find your birthday and grab a partner (or, you know, not), because here’s a list of the best sex tips depending on your astrological sign.
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)
As an Aquarius, you’re innovative, free-spirited, and eccentric, and those characteristics definitely transfer over into the bedroom. That’s why this fun and whimsical Kama Sutra Honeysuckle Body Dust is a wonderful way to spread a little bit of that Aquarius mystique. It leaves skin feeling smooth, light, and airy, and tastes and smells wonderfully sweet. It also comes with a soft feather brush — to tease a little bit while you apply — and it’s an intriguing way to prompt kisses anywhere on the body.
Pisces (Feb 19-March 20)
Pisces are, by nature, ultra sweet, sensitive, and compassionate, and that’s why this Kama Sutra Massage Oil Kit fits in so well with this sign’s personality. With five different oils (Sweet Almond, Soaring Spirit, Pleasure Garden, Serenity, and Healing Blend), it’s one of the greatest ways to turn foreplay into a passionate and sensual experience for everyone involved. Reviewers love the variety and practicality of this little set, and they say they’re just the thing for a loving massage.
Aries (March 21- April 19)
If there’s anything that an Aries loves, it’s adventure. This sign is daring and fearless, and that’s why these Low Temperature Sex Candles are fun and intriguing toys. These candles burn between 48 and 50 degrees, so they won’t burn the skin when drizzled on, but they will bring a little extra excitement into the bedroom. The wax is non-toxic and medical grade, and it's perfect for teasing your partner with a little bit of hot pleasure.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
A Taurus is the most reliable and practical sign there is, and what’s more practical than a combined set of Lubricant and Antibacterial Toy Cleaner? You’ll always be prepared for pleasure with this paraben-free water-based lubricant that cleans up easy and won’t stain fabrics, and once the fun’s over, you can rest easy knowing that your toys are clean, sterilized, and ready for the next round.
Gemini (May 21-June 21)
Because Geminis are so eloquent and versatile, it makes them happy when they know a lot about something. That’s why this Little Black Book Of Sex Positions is a great way to spread the knowledge. It’s filled with detailed, real-life pictures of people getting it on in positions you never even thought of, and it’s a great way to expand your sexual repertoire into new and unchartered territory. Readers say that it’s a classy and stimulating way to spice up anyone’s sex life, and from cover to cover, they learned a lot.
Cancer (June 20- July 22)
Cancers are probably the least selfish of all of the signs. They really enjoy spreading the love, and that’s why this Utimi Mini Male Vibrating Ring is a great addition to a Cancer’s toy collection. It’s made out of non-toxic medical grade silicon, and it slips on to stimulate the wearer and their partner simultaneously. Because it’s stretchy, it’s suitable for all sizes, and since it’s both durable and extremely powerful, it’s a great way to share the pleasure in the bedroom.
Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
If you’re a Leo, you probably have a flair for the dramatics. You’re outgoing and enthusiastic, and that’s why this Fantasy Sex Deck is right up your alley. It comes with 50 cards, and on each one is a different role-playing scenario. This deck is illustrated with playful pictures, and is perfect for exploring both your partner’s and your own personal fantasies. Reviewers say that the deck caters to all different tastes, and it's a great way to get the ball rolling for some adventurous role-play.
Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22)
Virgos are naturally independent, and there’s nothing wrong with that. If something needs doing, they’ll do it on their own, and that’s why this Rechargeable Waterproof Vibrator is a beautiful thing. It features seven stimulation modes, is made from medical-grade silicon, is waterproof, and is fully rechargeable, so safety and practicality are both the utmost priority. Reviewers say it feels and handles wonderfully, and best of all, if you decide to include a partner, it’s great for that, too.
Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22)
Libras, in addition to being charming, irresistible, and adventurous, also quite enjoy being in charge. This Zikker Fetish Bondage Set allows the Libra to do just that. It comes with 10 great-quality pieces that are constructed from leather and plush, so they’re durable and comfortable at the same time. This set attaches easily to your bed, so you can retain control without ruining your furniture, and reviewers say that it’s a very satisfying addition to their sex lives.
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
If you’re a Scorpio, you’ve probably got a brilliant mind that needs to be inspired. This Muse Sex Dice Game turns your bedroom experience into something a little more intellectually stimulating. It comes with two foreplay dice, two kama sutra dice, a leather tumbler, a manual that outlines the rules for six different games, and a classy carrying case for easy storage. It’s a fun and innovative way to challenge both yourself and your partner sexually, as well as provide the excitement that often accompanies leaving things up to chance.
Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
The Sagittarius is the person who’s up for anything, all the time. Because this sign is so open-minded, a toy like a Remote Control Vibrator is a welcome addition to an otherwise standard toy collection. Because it’s entirely wireless and USB-rechargeable for up to four hours, this little toy sits right between your legs, out of sight, but definitely not out of mind. It vibrates to sounds in the vicinity, or the press of a button, and the adventurous Sagittarius can give the remote control to a partner to fully experience the element of surprise. It’s silent (even on the highest setting), and it comes with a black pair of underwear that are designed for perfect positioning.
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
A Capricorn is the biggest perfectionist out of all the signs, and as a result, if they’re going to do something, they want it done right. This Higher Love Bedroom Pillow is an efficient way to hit all the right spots during sex, so that both partners get the best bang for their — well, bang. Its effective but comfortable incline make tons of new positions possible, and the waterproof inner lining and removable, washable velour cover keep things clean and sanitary.
Bustle may receive a portion of sales from products purchased from this article, which was created independently from Bustle's editorial and sales departments.
Images: Amazon (12)