No matter how badly the Gilmore Girls ‘shippers of the world may want to make relationships between every single character on the show happen, there are a few daydreamers who have moored their bow to the wrong ones. They are the crackships — the wishes for relationships between characters on the show that could never be. Or, if they could, would be really, really odd. In some cases, these crackships, while unrealistic, might actually be somewhat interesting (see below for examples). But, for the most part, these amazing Gilmore Girls crackships will make you question everything you know about the show. Because there’s no way in Stars Hollow hell that these relationships would have ever been a thing, no matter how hard fans may have wished them into being.
And as nice as it is to dream, there are some limits to how far ‘shipping fantasies can go. For so many reasons, many of these ‘ships were sunk long before they were even thought up in the minds of the most desperate ‘shipping fan’s dreams.
Not that I blame them for trying. With options running low between Rory and Jess, Rory and Dean, and Rory and Logan, it would have been nice if, in the seven years that the show was running, there had been a few more couples to wish into being. But, trust me on this one — these ‘ships are far from viable, and they’re ready to be sunk.
1. Jess And Lane
I know, I know. Creepsville, right? Except... when you think about the fact that these two both had a rebellious side and were way too cool with what they read and the music they listened to. Maybe they bonded over milkshakes and Moby Dick one late night working at Luke’s.
2. Rory And Paris
Some may say the show is a love story between Rory and Lorelai, but other fans argue it’s a love story between Rory and Paris. Think about it: When Rory drops out of Yale, the person who seems the most broken up about it is Paris, and she takes to visiting Lorelai for weekly lunches and bemoaning the loss of her “best friend.” I could totally see this one happening.
3. Lorelai And Michel
After all those years of working together, tell me there wouldn’t be a little sexual tension between these two? Lorelai is the only one who is capable of putting up with his nonsense. And the fact that she hires him to work at the Dragonfly Inn when he’s notoriously terrible at hospitality might hint at some deeper connection between these two.
4. Luke And Sookie
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that there’s no way that Sookie’s neuroses would have ever found a landing spot with sick-of-the-world Luke. But their love of cooking and heating things up in the kitchen may have been enough to bring them together in a ‘shipper’s dreams.
5. Paris And Logan
The affluence. The good families. The late nights in the newspaper room. I think Logan could have loosened Paris up with his wild ways and refusal to respect authority. Plus, if she joined the LDB, Paris would probably be the first one to jump off that ledge.
6. Kirk And Paris
What? Paris has a penchant for older men, after all. And can you imagine the adorable bickering over Kirk’s refusal to stick with a job and make something of his life? It might work in a super weird way.
7. Kirk And Miss Patty
For as much as he played her sidekick, I could see the two of them morphing their fast friendship into something more. Especially since, for most of the show, the two are perpetually single.
8. Kirk And Mrs. Kim
She has a husband, sure, but that never stopped a woman whose husband is never around from having a little fun. Right?
9. Sookie And Michel
I know we all love Sookie and Jackson, but I’m still trying to find a reason behind Michel being hired at The Dragonfly Inn. Maybe a little romance happened during those late nights in the empty guest rooms? Maybe the two were splitting Toblerone bars all along?
10. Taylor And Miss Patty
The only thing these two townspeople love more than each other is Stars Hollow itself. Tell me there might not be something going on between Taylor and Miss Patty, the one person he lets run things with him.
11. Dean And Jess
All of that frustrated masculine energy. All of that bravado. All of that fighting. There’s some serious tension there, more so than just two guys who love the same girl. But with Dean’s practical ways and Jess’ need to rebel, this love story would have never worked out, except for in fans' dreams.
12. Emily And Christopher
Well, hello Mrs. Robinson. This makes more sense when you consider that Emily was always pushing Christopher and Lorelai together — first in the beginning when Lorelai was pregnant and later when she was falling hard and fast for Luke. Maybe because she really, really likes him? But alas, this ‘ship never could have been: Emily and Richard were OTP.
13. Sookie And Lorelai
OK, this one is the most unlikely. Why would Sookie be so excited to plan Lorelai’s wedding to Luke if she were harboring ‘ship-like feelings for her best friend?
So, let’s let these ‘ships die, shall we? Let’s let them sink back into the ocean off of the coast of Connecticut where they came from, never to be heard from again.
Image: Warner Bros. Television; Giphy (13)