When Should You Have Sex In A New Relationship?

by Kristine Fellizar

Does hooking up with someone actually affect your long-term relationship potential? While a recent study found that sex isn’t as important in making a serious relationship work as much as people may believe, sexual chemistry happens to be one of many deciding factors in whether we want to pursue a new relationship or not. So, how long do people wait before having sex with someone new?

In a new study conducted by Adam and Eve, over 1,000 adults were surveyed to find out how long they typically wait to have sex with a new person. As it was found, 10 percent of men and women said they like to have sex on the first date. But as turns out, more people actually choose to wait longer to get it on. In fact, 39 percent of people preferred to wait at least one month into a new relationship to have sex, 34 percent would wait less than a month, and 17 percent would have sex at exactly the one-month mark.

"There are so many variables involved in sex and dating that vary from person to person that I believe having set 'rules' for when to have sex doesn't really serve us," Adam and Eve’s resident sexpert Dr. Kat Van Kirk said in a release. "I'd rather people focus on what feels comfortable for them as individuals and communicate from there."

This isn’t the first time researchers have delved into the subject. Many times before, experts have studied this topic to find the link, if any, between the start of physical intimacy and relationship satisfaction overall. So, when’s the best time to have sex in a new relationship? Ultimately, that depends on you and your partner.

But, if you're curious about what science says, here are what previous experts and studies have to say about the best times to get have sex with someone new.

But first, listen to New Yorkers' sex confessions on Bustle's Sex and Relationships podcast, I Want It That Way:

1. When The Honeymoon Stage Is Over

Psychotherapist Toni Coleman told Business Insider that the best time to start having sex is at least three months into the relationship, when the honeymoon is over.

According to Coleman, during the honeymoon phase, everything is intense. Because of that, the person you’re with may seem like the love of your life. But once you get out of that intense stage, “your feet are more on ground.” Meaning, your relationship is built on more than just getting down beneath the sheets. If three months sounds like forever to you, have no fear.

2. After The First Date

According to a 2012 study conducted by psychologist Jim Pfaus of Concordia University in Montreal, emotional attachment can grow from sexual desire. As part of his research, Pfaus reviewed past studies containing fMRI scans of men and women’s brains. As they found, love and lust originate in the same location in the brain. So, they’re not as separate as people once believed. According to Pfaus, “love is actually a habit that is formed from sexual desire as desire is rewarded.”

In short, people can fall in love after sex. And according to Pfaus, falling in love at first sight too, is very possible.

“Even love at first sight, can it happen? Of course it can happen," Pfaus told MSNBC. "And when it does happen, do you want to play Scrabble with each other? When it happens, you normally want to consummate it.”

3. After 3-5 Dates

According to OkCupid's Digital Decade of Sex report, which compares roughly one million users who responded to match questions users' views on sex from 2005 to 2015, people are 19 percent less open to having sex on a first date, with most agreeing that 3-5 dates is the right time.

4. Whenever The Eff You Want

According to sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman, sexual pleasure is a key component in a happy relationship. While she does note that having sex right away could potentially be bad idea if the two individuals aren't on the same page, ultimately it’s an individual’s decision.

“I don’t think that rating sexual frequency and sexual passion as a priority is actually a bad thing,” Dr. Berman wrote for Everyday Health. “Instead, it can be wonderful! Being confident in the bedroom and committing to a pleasurable and erotic sex life can be crucial in a happy relationship.” You do you.

Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our video on sex positions for small penises:

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