The ‘Dead 7’ Trailer Left Me With 23 Questions For Nick Carter’s Zombie Western

On April 1, the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, 98 Degrees, O-Town, and the undead will take over Syfy. Yes, on that splendid day, Dead 7 will premiere. Do not let the date fool you; this zombie western boy band bonanza is not some sort of April Fool's joke. The Nick Carter-penned, made-for-TV genre mashup is really happening. On Thursday, BuzzFeed shared the first trailer for Dead 7 , and it is my fire. My one desire. Believe me when I say that that I want it that way. And by “it that way,” I mean “to watch Dead 7 today.”

If zombies and gore and cowboys aren't your jam, then the late '90s/early '00s of it all should win you over: The Dead 7 cast includes boy banders Carter, Howie Dorough, A.J. McLean, Joey Fatone, Chris Kirkpatrick, Jeff Timmons, Erik-Michael Estrada, Jacob Underwood, Trevor Penick, and Dan Miller. Be still my heart.

As campy and delightful and ghoulish and pop music-tastic as the trailer may be, it also raises a bunch of very important questions. I will share those questions now:

  • “To fight the undead, you have to resurrect ‘90s boy bands,” you say?
  • How literal of a resurrection are we talking?
  • Will Melisandre bring the ‘90s boy bands back from the dead at the beginning of the movie?
  • Will Jon Snow be a part of it?
  • Oops, have I watched the Game of Thrones Season 6 trailers one too many times?
  • What’s this clothesline’s story?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/4f973a40-cea8-0133-779f-0e7c926a42af.png?w=320"/>
  • What’s that frayed, zombie-chic shirt all about?
  • Is that a zombie’s garment?
  • Was one of the zombies like, “I know this is an off-brand move, but my blouse could use a good rinsing”?
  • Why is Jeff Timmons in a baseball cap?
  • Where is his western garb?
  • Is he a time traveler from 2015 or something?
  • Does Joey Fatone ever use his oh-so sharp mustache as a weapon?
  • Will he slice off a zombie’s head with one of his ‘stache points?
  • Uh, can we talk about Erik-Michael Estrada’s crisp white outfit? Kudos to that guy for not letting a little thing like a zombie apocalypse get in the way of a clean tunic.
  • Will I ever unsee this zombie’s eye?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/4f9e0330-cea8-0133-779f-0e7c926a42af.png?w=320"/>
  • Or will this eyeball be my new Waterworld eye socket (i.e., the eye socket that haunts me to this day)?
  • Is A.J. McLean ready for a bit of the old ultraviolence?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/4fa56470-cea8-0133-9738-0ec2e53676a1.png?w=320"/>
  • And/or is A.J. McLean just a huge Usher fan?
  • Why would Joey Fatone worry about whisky at a time like this?
  • Wait a second. Is whisky a zombie's kryptonite? Now THAT would explain why Joey Fatone would worry about whisky at a time like this.
  • Will there ever be a more meaningful lineup than this one?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/4f782430-cea8-0133-779f-0e7c926a42af.png?w=320"/>
  • Is it wrong to feel this alive while watching a preview for a movie about death?

I never want to hear you saaaaaay/You don't want to watch Dead 7 todaaaaay.

Images: Syfy (5); BuzzFeed (5)