7 Signs You Might Not Be Meant To Be In A Serious Relationship Right Now & Why That's OK
Are you always like "I'm single. It sucks!" Maybe, for some of you, you should be thinking "I'm single, thank you, universe." Not everyone is meant to be in a relationship, and that's OK. It's better than OK. It can even be the best decision you could ever make in your life. I mean, don't get me wrong. Relationships are wonderful, and being in love is one of the best feelings in the world, but you know what else is an amazing feeling? Having your life together. Achieving your goals. Doing whatever you want without having to answer to anyone else. Having sex with whoever you want to have sex with. Not letting society dictate how you live your life.
I'm married, so I am not anti-relationship by any means, but I am against this idea that everyone needs to be tied down. When I worked with young people as a Planned Parenthood Certified Responsible Sexuality Educator and a Domestic Violence Victim Advocate, I saw this pervasive notion that being single is a disease. I think everyone needs to take a good, hard look at their lives, their goals, their issues, and their values before they decide to share a life with someone. Your life is yours to dictate and curate, so you owe it to yourself to give you the best life possible — even if that means you shouldn't be in a relationship.
1. You Aren't Happy With Yourself
Lizzies Answers breaks it down pretty well. You can't enter a relationship expecting that your partner will make you happy; you're gonna have a bad time if that's the case. You can expect love, support, growth, and even a sense of fulfillment, but the only person you can rely on for your happiness is you. If you're not at a place in your life where you're happy, confident, and on your own path, you need to get there. Because you won't find it if you look for it in another person.
2. You Are #GoalsGoalsGoals
Who run the world? You, someday. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being focused on your plan for world domination. Your goal in life doesn't have to have anything to do with another person, unless that person will be your running mate. As in, the VP to your POTUS. When you're in a relationship, you have to make compromises and sacrifices. If you're in a #goals phase of your life and you want to achieve those things all on your own and have some serious me time to do so, you don't have to apologize for that. Wait until you have more space in your life, if you think a relationship is something you want someday. If you end up never wanting one, that's cool too.
3. You Are Lazy
You may think relationships are about love, but you'd be wrong. They're about work. You have to compromise, sacrifice, communicate constantly, be nice when you're cranky, get along with family and friends you don't like, and that doesn't even include the work it takes to maintain a home, care for pets, or raise children. I'm exhausted just typing it. Plus when you first start dating, you have to do your laundry, leave the house, and do your makeup. Well, you don't have to, but you know what I mean. Best foot forward. If you're lazy, a relationship is not something else you need to do.
4. You Are Selfish
If you want a life that's all about you, then maybe you aren't meant to be in a relationship. Sure, in a healthy relationship, there's plenty of space for you to do you, but it's not all about you. Like I mentioned in #3, there are sacrifices and compromises to be made. If the idea of even sharing a blanket with someone makes you uncomfortable, maybe sharing a life with someone isn't for you.
5. You Are Rife With Insecurities
You gotta put a lid on that pot of insecurities before you let it boil over onto a partner. I'm not talking about the everyday tiny insecurities that pop up, like "am I really pulling off this lip color, or should I be running to the bathroom to take it off?" I'm talking about deep insecurities that affect your self esteem and the way you let others treat you. If you don't have a handle on those insecurities, trust me, you will be seeking validation from a partner in ways that do not make for a healthy connection between two individuals. You have to at least have a handle on the ways your insecurities negatively impact your life so you and your partner can be aware of them. Otherwise, a relationship isn't something you need to be focusing on right now.
6. You've Never Been On Your Own
I would have never included being on your own in this list several years ago, but through both personal experience and work experience, I can tell you, it matters. If you've never been on your own, you're robbing yourself of the opportunity to know, without a doubt, that you can survive on your own. This negatively impacts relationships because it makes you think you need to be with someone. It makes you second guess your unhappiness and if you should leave a bad relationship because you're unsure if you can make it on your own. Having even a brief period of time when you're single, taking are of yourself, and thriving, totally improves your self confidence and lowers your threshold for tolerating nonsense in a relationship. Living with roommates totally counts, FYI.
7. You're Questioning Your Sexuality
When you're in a relationship, you owe it to the other person to be invested in the love you have for each other. If you have had lingering concerns about your sexuality, that means there's a part of you, even if it's a small part, that isn't all in. Because that part of you is wondering if what you really want is the complete opposite of what you have. Even if you're mostly happy and you feel like you're in love with your partner, you still can't be 100 percent devoted because you don't have 100 percent to give. Rather than being tied down to something serious that you're questioning, you should be out there figuring things out.
Oh, and I forgot to mention my favorite reason you shouldn't be in a relationship: because you don't want to be. No shame. I can't emphasize enough that finding someone to be with does not have to be the most important goal in your life.