If You Have A Love/Hate Relationship With Yourself

by Kaitlyn Wylde
Cameron Spencer/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

"Do you have a lot of insecurities?" he asked, lowering his voice and leaning in. I was on a date that went from lighthearted to intense if the refresh of a drink and he had just told me about how hard he can be on himself. He was asking me to join in. He was hoping he had just opened up to someone who understood what it was like to not know how to be kind to yourself. I tore through the aisles of my mind as the silence stretched between us. Beyond the superficial, I couldn't find anything worth mentioning. I couldn't think of anything that might fill the gaping gap between us. "No? Not right now," I said, making an unintentional guilty grin like, "please don't think I'm a sociopath or a narcissist." "Oh," he said, dejected. "Would you have been happier if I had tons of insecurities and a crappy relationship with myself?" I wanted to ask.

Later, when I was walking home, I had an honest talk with myself, free from the expectation to share my thoughts with a semi-stranger. Sure, there were plenty of things I didn't like about myself. But there are also plenty of things that I love about myself. It all depended on the time of day and the people I was around. In that moment, with that man who was allowing his power supply to shamelessly deplete over the soft glow of a bar candle, I was strong and sure. But later, alone, freezing and tense as I walked through the wind tunnel the buildings beside me created, I was weak and unsure. That duality creates a blunting that's probably more present in my persona then I like to be aware of. I am hot, I am cold and therefore I am lukewarm. I am the greatest, I am the lamest, I am whatever. I love myself. I hate myself. I just don't know. Here are five signs you're in a love/hate relationship with yourself, too.

You Pick On Or Admire Only Certain Parts Of Yourself

You love certain parts of yourself with gusto. But with that same force, you hate certain parts of yourself. Maybe you have projected your insecurity on your body, and while you think your legs deserve insurance policies, you sometimes think you would give yourself a nose job if you could. Maybe you think your sense of humor rivals top comedians, but are ashamed of your temper. It's probably very hard for you to decide how you feel about yourself when you love and hate opposing parts of yourself with the same intensity.

You Have Trouble Accepting Compliments

When people offer you praise, you're often stuck between an urge to confidently accept it, and insecurely question it. Because you can be both hard on yourself and kind to yourself, you have trouble trusting others' opinions of you.

You Compare Yourself To Others

If you spend a lot of time thinking about yourself, you probably spend a lot of time thinking about others, too. It's natural to compare yourself to the people around you, but if you have a love/hate relationship with yourself, you probably go back and forth between trying to put the people around you down and feeling down yourself.

Your Mind And Body Are Out Of Sync

Are you aware of the fact that your mind and body are one? If you have conflicting feelings about yourself, you probably pit your mind and body against each other from time to time. When you're feeling good about yourself, you treat your body with kindness and care. But when you're feeling bad about yourself, you punish your body with spite.

Your Confidence Is Malleable

How much credit do you give your convictions? Maybe you think you're a great writer. But if someone were to tell you that you're garbage, how quickly would your confidence crumble? Are all your opinions malleable? If you contain extremes, they probably work their way into every confident or insecure thought in your mind. No thought is unshakable.

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