The 11 Emotional Stages Of Dressing For Ever-Fluctuating Spring Weather

There's nothing quite like the calendar telling you it's spring, but knowing better in your heart of hearts. You're very likely prepared to dress for spring weather at this point, but chances are that unpredictable seasonal weather is preventing as much. You'll probably be driven mad right up to the point summer finally arrives and takes you out of this up and down misery. Where I live, it looks like the epitome of April outside — all sunshine and blossom — but as I step out of the confines of my bedroom wearing sandals and summer dresses, it's evident that we haven't yet escaped December. Minus the warning signs of snow.

At least for us North-easterners, days continue warming up and cooling down, then cooling down and warming up, and they probably will right up to the point when we're sweating in the summer sun. At the moment, however, you'll likely have pit stains one moment and the next you'll be battling hypothermia — none the wiser as to what to expect next.

When designers created their lines for spring 2016, they should have really put a survival spin on them, rather than a floral one. Below are the seven emotional stages of dressing for spring weather, particularly in ever-fluctuating temperatures. Now's the time to suffer along with me.

1. That False Sense Of Security In Your Bed

You wake up and the sun is shining through the window. You feel toasty and — dare you say it — a little too hot underneath your covers. That makes sense because awww yasss, it's spring now. Judging by this sunny weather, you're probably going to go bare-legged today.

2. Over-Confidence In Front Of The Closet

You cruise past your sweaters and your long pants and instead focus on the rock candy colors and sleeveless options. You're going to feel the sunshine on your shoulders today, and you might even skip the bus and walk to work to get some one on one time with spring.

The coat that's been your trusty confidant through the end times is now forgotten and shunned into the corner. You have no use for it anymore.

3. Confusion In Front Of Your Building

Wait. What? You open the front door of your building and are met with sunshine... as well as wind that seems to have fists. You instantly get goosebumps and look up at the sky all confused-like. Maybe this was just a one-off? You begin to rationalize like a newb. And so you march on with your outfit choice.

4. Slight Regret At The Bus Stop

OK, so: The sun went away behind the cloud and now we may as well be back in mid-February. The land is freezing over and you're trying your best to rub the blue away from your bare arms. This is not a good start.

5. Gratefulness Over The Back-up Layers

Thankfully, you brought a cardigan in your backpack because your office likes to keep the temps at sub-zero temperatures all year round, so you were prepared. You slip the cardigan on, and by the fifth bus stop you have to take it back off because you're sweating again. Apparently the sun coming through glass windows has enough power to roast a Thanksgiving turkey.

6. Despair At Simultaneously Having Pit Stains And Goosebumps

Your body is going haywire as you feel sweat slowly run down your back when walking across the street to work. Yet you can't stop shivering and are kind of wishing for a pumpkin spice latte. You swallow down a scream as you get the urge to yell into the air, "WHAT MONTH IS IT?"

Because honestly, what is even going on right now?

7. Wishing Desperately For Your Coat

Every mean thing you've ever said to it... you take it back. You love its Michelin Man body, you adore the way it swishes every time you move your arms, you delight in its drab dark color, and you would do anything to have it back.

8. Taking It All Back, Again

JK, winter coat, you can burn in hell.

9. Noticing You're The Only One In Sandals

Wait... why is everyone else still in furry boots? What snow do they see that you don't? Why do you now feel like a madwoman for letting your toes peep out? Ohmygod this is mortifying and you don't even know why.

10. The Seasonal Depression

As the next icy wind battles its way down the street to hit you, a wave of familiar seasonal depression is riding on its tails. Sure, you're wearing that cute spring top, but what's the point if you're still stuck in a perpetual winter that will never release you from its grips. How is it even possible for winter to go on for half a year?!

11. Sitting Down With Resignation

Just as you're about to Google Map the nearest Columbia store, the neighborhood magically turns back into a pretty April day. You swear you just saw a butterfly land on your shoulder, and if you had any sleeves right now, you'd roll them up.

Let's just agree that this time period makes zero sense and it will try to break our spirits. So rally on, fellow summer-waiters. We're almost there.

Image: itsnotheritsme/Instagram