If you're a 1991 baby reading this, then congrats! You (maybe? almost? kind of?) made it through the existentially fraught mess of your post-collegiate early 20s. By now you're 24 or 25 years of proof that humans can survive despite a childhood diet of mostly Kraft mac and cheese and Kool-Aid, despite an iPhone-less youth, and despite what happened during the series finale of How I Met Your Mother . Basically we were born warriors, the lot of us — something we had to do to shape up fast and help the 1990-born kids set the tone for how the early '90s born squad was going to live. (None of your sass, 1993. You have no idea how many Osh Kosh B'Gosh overalls we wriggled our tiny bodies out of in the name of freeing our micro-generation from aggressively-pocketed HELL.)
Now that we've all blearily stumbled our way into semi-adulthood, I think we all deserve a pat on the back. When you think about it, the particular year we were born set us up for a very strange development. We were among the last kids to have a "real" childhood — the play outside, dig holes in the mud to China, play Lava on the playground type of childhood that wasn't punctuated by watching cartoons on our parents' tablets in the back of the car or texting from phones with touch buttons on the screen. We were the experimental generation that eased its way into all our new weird tech, from the iPods in middle school, to smart phones in college, to whatever the hell kids think they're doing on their potentially explosive hoverboards today. We basically lived through an entire phase of evolution, and we're only, like, a quarter of the way through our lives (hopefully).
The good news is, the unconventional arc of our youth was strangely bonding. Yeah, none of us could find jobs in the overly-saturated market/wrecked economy, but at least we were jobless together, amirite? If you were born in 1991, then you will forever be bonded by all of these things:
You Still Hold Grudges Over Bad Pokemon Card Trades
There's a fifth grader on my hit list who probably has a condo and three kids by now.
You Still Feel The Rage Of Not Being Able To Vote In 2008
The kids in your grade who were slightly older than you were got to make HISTORY and you got to make a few lame signs and stand on the side of the road :/.
You’re Slightly Terrified When You Meet Functional Humans Born In The 2000s
Shouldn't ... you ... be in diapers?? What does "extra" mean? How are you already cooler than we are? It's been eight seconds since you were born!
Your First Phone Was For Sure A Razor — That You Shared With Your Sister Or Brother
And oh dear god the enormity of that responsibility was more than you could bear.
You Briefly Considered Becoming Pre-Med Because Grey’s Anatomy
Or if you were awesome, because Scrubs. (Those of you who actually did — how's med school working out for you??)
You Have Approximately 60,000 Overly-Long Layering Tank Tops In Your Closet
In every single color, in perpetuity, until the end of time.
You Were A Harry Potter Character For At Least Two Halloweens In Your Youth
S/O to all the world-weary mothers who had to braid your hair into 16 tiny braids to get Hermione's look.
You Changed Your Major Three Times
Economic security + achieving your dreamz = four years of ???? Fellow psych majors, have an internet high-five from me.
You Have A Secret Livejournal From Your Preteen Years That You Lost The Password To
All you want is to burn it down, but you don't know how. I've just accepted that someday when I'm famous people are going to find my Star Trek fanmixes and long rambly break-up letters to a guy I spoke to twice in sophomore year, it can't be helped.
You Very Vividly Remember Holding Your First iPod In Your Prepubescent Hands
You loaded it with Michelle Branch, Evanescence, Simple Plan, and Good Charlotte. Then you waited until your parents weren't looking and secretly loaded it with Avril Lavigne, even though she said "damn" four times in one song, GASP.
Your Teachers Were All, “Oh My God, You Were Born In The ‘90s?! I’m So Old”
If you were in a graduating class with kids who were born in 1990, this happened every single year without fail.
Hilary Duff Eased You Through Most Of Your Awkward Youth
What would we have done without Lizzie McGuire or the gem that was every song on Metamorphosis? Let that rain come down. Let it wake your dreams. LET IT WASH AWAY YOUR SANITY.
Your Neopets Are 100 Percent Dead By Now
... Oops.
You Have A Favorite Disney Princess, And A Very Firm, Unshakable Opinion Why
It doesn't matter whether or not you're a Disney fan. Don't lie. You can't not have thought about this, 1991 kids.
You Still Have Nightmares About Are You Afraid Of The Dark?
Your poor parents were like, "Oh, it's Nickelodeon, what could go wrong?" They went and did work on their desktop computers or made dinner while you sat there getting your fragile child soul eviscerated.
You Felt Awkward Objectively Acknowledging That Justin Bieber Or The One D Guys Were “Hot”
They were basically in preschool when they came on the scene. Sure, they're physically full grown ~men~ now, but back in the day you were like, "If I agree with you, will I go to jail?"
You Got Into At Least 20 Fights About Whether Or Not You Should Be Allowed To Have The Facebook
The kids above you were already in college, or old enough to know better than to tell their parents you were logging on. You left the page open on the desktop. ROOKIE MISTAKE.
At Least 80 Percent Of The Pictures Of Your Childhood Involve A Pair Of Overalls
And stripes. And cotton. And everything matching with your siblings.
You’ve Had At Least One Existential Crisis Over Not Being Able To Perfect The “Messy Bun”
Solution: CHOP ALL HAIR OFF, we're done here.
You’re Kind Of Bitter The Leggings-As-Pants Trend Didn’t Take Off Until You Were Done With High School
How did we miss that boat?! Sure, our butts were pretty cozy in college, but just think about how much sooner we could have liberated them!
Your First PG-13 Movie Was Probably Lord Of The Rings
And only because some geeky, sympathetic adult caved into your whims.
… And Your First Accidental "Walking In On A Sex Scene" Was When Your Parents Watched Titanic On VHS
And no real life sex EVER lived up to whatever was going on in that car.
That Vitamin C Song Played At Every Damn One Of Your Graduations
(Spoiler alert: Most of us weren't.)
You Un-Ironically Know Most Of The Lines From High School Musical
BET ON IT, BET ON IT, BET ON IT, BET ON IT. Secret obsessions with High School Musical were the great equalizer of tenth grade.
You’re Still Mad You Weren’t On Legends Of The Hidden Temple
No matter how much you accomplish in life, you'll never be able to overcome the biggest mistake their casting department ever made.
You Beg Beg BEGGED To Shop At Limited Too
I didn't know what fashion was in third grade, but I knew the kids who had the fashion were wearing Limited Too.
You Turned 22 The Year Taylor Swift's "22" Came Out And You’ll Never Stop Being Smug About It
I don't care what all the babies born after 1991 say — that's our song.
You Still Have Your Old CDs Somewhere In A Glittery Plastic Case
Under your bed in your parents house, with all the other stuff you keep swearing up and down you'll clean out so they can move to that beach house in Florida. (Soon.)
You Were Deeply Confused When Princess Diana Died And On 9/11, But You Remember Exactly Where You Were
These you remember in particular because they were rare instances when all the adults around you were freaking out, and you weren't sure why. Of course, you came to understand the depth of the tragedy of 9/11 and the impact of Princess Diana's death when you were older, but about then your brain was too fresh to fully appreciate or understand it.
Your #Struggle To Find A Job You Love In The Economy You Were Left With Has Been Realer Than Real
If you were lucky enough to snag it, there was some major angst and nonsense along the way.
25 Years Old Used To Seem A Hell Of A Lot Older Than It Does Now
Remember when 15-year-old you assumed you'd have your sh*t together by now? Sweet summer rainbow unicorn snowflake, was that punk wrong. At least we're all enjoying the ride.
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