Donald Trump Pictures His First 100 Days As President As Pretty Much An Episode Of 'The Apprentice'

Less than 24 hours after The Donald was crowned the presumptive Republican presidential nominee, The New York Times published a rough outline of what prospective President Trump’s first 100 days in office would look like, based on recent interviews. Some of it is the same repetitive vuvuzela of Trumpishness that you’ve heard every day for the last year. However, there are some enlightening details and plans that are certainly more specific than what one usually hears when journalists or debate moderators try to make Trump outline any sort of policy.

Most of the tidbits squeezed out revolve around Trump’s heavily-favored keywords — Mexico, trade, Muslims, trade, negotiate, trade — but the whole thing is absolutely worth a read. It’s important to know what promises Trump might be gearing up to actually hold himself accountable to (then again, it's no secret that the man enjoys a good flip-flop). Here follow the most vital and/or bonkers pieces of information.

According to the report, after Trump's first 100 days in office, his much-touted wall on the Mexican border would “be designed” (no word on whether this means actually implemented to any degree or just sketched on a napkin somewhere), a ban on Muslim immigration would be in place, an audit of the Federal Reserve would have started, and the repeal of Obamacare would be “in motion” (again, that could mean a lot of things).

“I know people aren’t sure right now what a President Trump will be like. But things will be fine. I’m not running for president to make things unstable for the country,” Trump once said — though the article is basically a compilation of him rattling off the ways he would make the country unstable.

Trump actually went a step beyond outlining specifics (sort of?) for his first 100 days. He's even detailed his first 24 hours: "On his first day in office, [Trump] said, he would meet with Homeland Security officials, generals, and others — he did not mention diplomats — to take steps to seal the southern border and assign more security agents along it. He would also call the heads of companies like Pfizer, the Carrier Corporation, Ford and Nabisco and warn them that their products face 35 percent tariffs because they are moving jobs out of the country."

While Trump may get some points for actually providing some specifics — which can be considered a significant step forward relative to the usual way he frames/word-vomits his proposals — The Times also noted that his first-day economic policy could have an extremely negative effect. "Democrats and some Republicans have warned that financial markets would react poorly and that Mr. Trump’s protectionist stances might plunge the country into recession." Trump's nuanced response: "The markets would be fine.”

For me, what was possibly the most surreal and disturbing part is that Trump seems to see being president like hosting an extra-special season of The Apprentice. He said, “The Oval Office would be an amazing place to negotiate. It would command immediate respect from the other side, immediate understanding about the nation’s priorities.” The Oval Office is not the boardroom, Donald. You've got to be prepared to deal with Putin, not Omarosa.