This Thursday, ABC finally introduced us to the new crop of Bachelorette Season 12 contestants, and they're an encouragingly diverse bunch. There are men of several races in the mix; men of many ages (spanning almost a decade, from 25 to 34); men of many talents (from Marines to DJs, from swimmers to self-professed "Bachelorette superfans"); and there are men of varied likes and dislikes… even including a contestant who doesn't like pizza, shockingly enough. (His days are clearly numbered.) But if there's one single thing these suitors have in common, it's their love of a nice V-shaped neckline.
Whether on a job interview or a date — and The Bachelorette is sort of both those things, let's be honest — first impressions are very important. And because we don't know anything about these guys yet other than their names and the blurbs they published in their bios, there's only one fair way to judge them until Season 12 premieres on Monday, May 23: their sense of fashion. Which of the men dressed to impress? And which of them have a thing or two to learn about the merits of chest exposure?
Here are all 26 Bachelorette Season 12 contestants, ranked by their V-neck game:
26. James F.
A few of the guys apparently didn't get the memo. A white crew-neck? Shame on you, James.
Wells also missed the boat on the whole v-neck situation, but at least he jazzed up his boring ol' t-shirt with a jacket, complete with flair.
Look at this guy. He's not fitting in with everyone else, and he doesn't give a hot damn. Grant may have lost the v-neck competition, but he definitely wins for attitude — and tats.
23. Nick S.
This next group of guys aren't technically wearing v-necks, but their button-ups at least give some opportunity for man-cleavage. Too bad Nick squandered this opportunity with a weird neckerchief thingy.
Sal, you seem like a nice guy. But why you gotta button that top button? Let loose a little!
21. James Taylor
Same goes for you, James. (He gets the edge over Sal, because his shirt seems to be a slightly better fit. But still not enough chest going on yet.)
Ugh, you guys and your button-up shirts. You're killin' me! Jonathan gets bonus points for style, though.
There we go, starting to get a little more relaxed with the buttons. I like it, Alex. (Doesn't hurt that green's my favorite color, either.)
Now we move on to the world of henleys… one step closer to the true v-neck. But Coley might as well be wearing a crew-neck for all the chest he's showing.
Now we're getting somewhere. Luke's neckline finally looks like a V — but a pretty narrow one, unfortunately.
Chase is starting to open things up with his green henley. You can actually see something below his collarbone — how refreshing.
15. James S.
In the battle of the green henleys, James' is a bit more garish color-wise… but look how he's got one flap of the collar falling open. It's almost like he's taunting us.
Another deliberately floppy henley! But Derek gets ranked higher than James because I like the style of his shirt better. And his smile. His smile is nice, too.
As we transition steadily closer to V-necks, we get our one polo shirt of the whole bunch. Daniel gets a gold star for the plunging neckline — but unfortunately the collar disqualifies him from a higher ranking.
Vinny's shirt has buttons, so technically it's not a true V-neck. But I feel bad ranking him so low because that neckline is almost a perfect "V." Better luck next time, Vinny!
And finally the real race begins… Jake gets things off to an iffy start by covering up his perfectly good V-neck with an unnecessary button-up. Why, Jake, why?
Hasn't anyone told Will that orange is the new black? Basic color choice, but at least he got the V-neck memo.
9. Nick B.
Nick flaunts his pastel shirt loudly and proudly… but I know the neckline can get lower than that.
Look how Jordan's chin is basically the exact same shape as the neckline of his shirt. I love it.
I feel like the V-necks are finally starting to creep a bit lower. The angle of Robby's neckline is certainly giving at least the perception of increased depth. And I admire a man who pulls off pink.
Another man in pink — how will JoJo ever choose?
We're in the Top Five, people! How low can you go… how low can you go…?
I feel like if Christian un-crossed his arms, the true depth of his V-neck would be revealed.
Now we're talking! For maximum effect, a V-neck should descend below the collarbone, as exemplified by Evan here. Thumbs up, dude.
Both Evan and Brandon chose to pair their deep-Vs with a necklace to accentuate the downward sloping neckline. Brandon ekes out ahead for sheer depth…
…But ultimately the victor is clear. His V-neck matches Brandon's for depth, but it's also wide enough to show off his strong shoulders. A good fit and a bold color choice all make Ali the winner of this heated competition.
Everyone else can just go home now, right?
Images: Craig Sjodin/ABC (27)