What Would 'Bachelor'-Style Dates Be Like IRL?

It’s been 14 whole years since we begun watching hopeful singletons publicly kiss their way through a bunch of frogs to find their Prince or Princess Charming on national TV. Yes, we’ve witnessed a lot since the premiere of The Bachelor and its spin-offs: jobs that are still super questionable, breakups, makeups, unnecessary tears over strangers, red roses up the wazoo, all the drama, and the damn most extravagant dates you’ll ever lay eyes on. Now, in Season 12 of The Bachelorette, we’re watching JoJo Fletcher on her journey to find Mr. Right. Clearly, we can’t get enough.

But, about those dates…

I gotta ask, who the hell actually takes their casual date on a tropical beachfront for sunsets? Or in a jacuzzi in the middle of a store? Beyond being completely unrealistic for anyone outside the one percent, things definitely gets weird. But perhaps the whimsical, fairy tale (if that’s what you want to call it) nature is what keeps fans holding on. Just as long as they don’t have these expectations for their next Tinder date, everyone will be OK.

But what if we all did? I mean, although we can never predict where the next date will occur on these shows, there is one thing we can expect: the behavior. What if we all just set these Bachelor/Bachelorette-esque date expectations on all our future dates in our search to find "the one"? I mean, it's worked for so many of the stars of these shows, why not us IRL? So, with that in mind, here's what to expect if you ever find yourself on a Bachelor Nation-esque date in your life:

You Won't Even Touch Your Meal

All of those delicious five-star meals are going to waste away time and time again while these strangers waste time staring at each other. And now I'm angry. And hungry.

You'll Probably Cry

You're already unleashing every skeleton in your closet and rehashing why you and your ex broke up and got back together eight times. A complete stranger needs to know these things, after all.

You'll Somehow Manage To Tell Your Life Story In Under Two Minutes

Raw talent and emotion or the beauty of Hollywood and video editing? We'll never know...

Your Date Won't Find That Weird At All, By The Way

They're already convinced you're their future spouse, so lay it out, baby.

You'll Wind Up On A Yacht Or Cliff Diving Somehow

Which is hilarious, because little does your date know, you get super seasick and are flipping terrified of heights.

You'll Discuss Your Future Kids, Their Genders, And Names

It won't feel creepy at all, because this is what love is, people.

You'll Be Dressed Like It's Prom

If you haven't been dressed in gowns and tuxes on one of your first dates with someone, I'm not sure you've ever really lived.

You'll Know The Other Person's Make-Out Style Before Learning Their Last Name

Sounds like another Friday night, amiright? But when you've spent more time paying tonsil hockey than you did talking, you may find yourself a bit surprised when the proposal comes along.

You May Not Ever Have To Walk

Getting from point A to B is what your date is for.

No One Will Burp, Ever

And god forbid someone passes gas. Dates are supposed to be classy, deep and romantic and if anyone disturbs that, they'll be flown home just like on TV.

You'll Be Smiling So Hard, Your Jaw Will Eventually Fall Off

When you're not talking about your exes, crying, or resisting the urge to burp, you're doe-eyed and smiling like an idiot.

Sparks Literally Fly

The power of a carefully calculated TV crew, or your love?

You May Even Break Up Then Make Up During The Date

Emotions are out on the dinner table when you're playing dating hardball.

You Actually Might Leave Engaged

Our friends on The Bachelor like to move quickly. First, you order the filet, next thing you know, you're handed a huge rock. That's the magic of dating, after all.

Now you're prepared for anything.

Images: ABC/Rick Rowell; Giphy (11)