9 Signs You're In A Relationship That's Wrong For You
Romantic relationships can be complicated. Very complicated. And even though Hollywood makes it seem easy, it can actually sometimes be pretty hard to tell if you're in the wrong relationship.
And trust me — if there's one thing I know, it's that you can deeply care about the person you're with and still not be happy. Sometimes a partner can be sweet and caring, but it just feels like something's missing and you're not sure if you should be worried. Or sometimes someone treats you well 90 percent of the time, but the other 10 percent they're an emotional nightmare and you're conflicted about whether or not it's a deal breaker. Or worse, you're not sure if you're with the right person, but the thought of breaking up makes you miserable, so you don't do anything and continue to ignore your true feelings.
Basically, there are a million scenarios for how a relationship can make you question whether you're with the right person, and it can be incredibly difficult to feel like you have an outside, unbiased perspective because you're so close to the situation. It's a common problem and you're absolutely not alone. If you're worried that the relationship you're in isn't right for you and you're in need of some answers, here are nine signs you could be in need of a change.
1. You Don't Feel Like Yourself
In a piece for Psychology Today, psychologist Lisa Firestone said it's a big red flag when you don't feel like yourself in a relationship or feel like you have to be someone you're not to make the other person happy. Your partner should ideally be the person you feel the most like yourself around.
2. You Feel Like You're In Need Of Fixing
Firestone also noted that you're likely with the wrong person if you always feel like you need to work on yourself when you're around them, whether it be changes to your physical appearance or personality. Perhaps the real issue you're just not right for each other, and there's no shame in that.
3. You Feel Like You Need To Defend Them To Family And Friends
According to psychotherapist M. Gary Neuman in a piece for The Huffington Post, “When all your friends and family are uncomfortable with the relationship, it’s time to take a good look at it." He went on to note that, “If you find yourself isolated from loved ones and telling yourself they just don’t know your significant other the way you do, chances are this won’t end well.”
4. You're Unsatisfied Physically
In that same Huffington Post piece, dating coach Marina Sbrochi stressed the importance of a healthy sex life, noting that while it shouldn't be the most important part of a relationship, it definitely is important. “If you feel like this person has all the other qualities you desire in a mate, see a sex therapist. Try some new tricks and see if you can make manufacture some chemistry,” Sbrochi suggested.
5. You Omit Details About Your Relationship To Others
I once had a friend who revealed to me that she often hid things her ex-boyfriend said or did from friends and family, because she, "didn't want them not to like him." The irony is, this meant he was doing things that merited dislike. If you find yourself ever doing this, it's time to seriously reevaluate the relationship.
6. They're Controlling
In that same HuffPost piece, relationship expert Tina Swthin said, "If you find that your partner is controlling your time with friends or family, your finances, clothing choices or how much makeup you wear, this is something to take very seriously.” This behavior will likely only get more extreme the longer you're together.
7. You Feel Lonely
A piece from the experts at YoTango featured on Self noted that feeling lonely when you're with your significant other is never a good sign. It can often mean that you don't feel understood or fully connected, and that can feel way worse than being on your own.
8. You're Always Making Compromises
This is a personal tip that took me several (not very good) relationships to learn. If you're always the one giving something up or compromising, who's always saying, "It's OK, we can go with your plan," or even, "We can go to the restaurant you want," then odds are you're with a pretty inconsiderate person. Pay attention to these small cues, because they can often say something very big about your dynamic.
9. You're Emotionally "Babysitting"
This last one also just comes from experience. There's nothing more stressful than feeling responsible for another person's happiness, or like you need to be constantly checking in to make sure they're enjoying themselves at social functions. Others shouldn't depend on you for their happiness, and if they do, you need to make sure it's making you happy.
Realizing you're not with the right person can be a painful process. It requires a lot of self-reflection and honesty, but you're definitely doing yourself a big favor by engaging in the journey and making change when it's needed.
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