Riding The Dildo Hoverboard Sounds Like The Most Terrifying Work Commute Ever

From dildo imagineer Michael Krivicka, who generously gave us the Dildo Drone last month, comes his latest multitasking pleasure device from the intersection of technology and sex toys: the Dildo Hoverboard. While both products are gags in his growing library of dildo-themed futuristic sex paraphernalia ads, the Dildo Hoverboard promises to make your commute to work "a lot more fun."

The device is essentially exactly what it sounds like — a hoverboard to which something resembling a handle is affixed, sort of like an old school Segway, except on top of the handle is a programmable dildo, angled for insertion while your hands are free to... actually, probably don't use your hands for extra stimulation with this toy.

"As a busy Millennial, I struggle to find time for myself," Sydnee Washington, the comedian in the ad who is sporting some fire floral print tennis shoes, sagely confesses. "Multitasking is a part of my everyday life. The Dildo Hoverboard allows me to squeeze in that much-needed pleasure time."

The dildo boasts adjustable thrusting speeds and different vibrating rhythms for a customized orgasmic commuting experience. Honestly, if we have to be accosted by the visual of dudes jerking it in public on the subway, can't the rest of us have some discreet, hands-free exhibitionistic fun?

dildoeverything on YouTube

Joking aside, Washington deserves all the Instagram follows in the world for bravely, confidently, and with much swagger, hoverboarding down busy city streets in a flirty skater skirt with a rod disappearing between her legs. But that brings me to the Dildo Hoverboard's functionality.

Sadly, it can only be used under a skirt, dress, or kilt-type situation, which may leave pants-preferring folk out in the cold. Also, don't hoverboards rely on the rider's balance to tell them when and how to move? I don't know about you, but I do not trust my body to give good signals in the throes of a really good orgasm. I'm clumsy (read: old) enough that I'd probably break a hip trying to ride a hoverboard for funsies, let alone with the introduction of full-body, orgasm-induced muscle spasms. For the safety of myself and those around me, I think bodies in control of a vehicle should remain stimulation-free.

Image: Screenshot/YouTube