Let's Talk About Sex — And The Best Way To Do That

If you’re going to have sex, you should know how to communicate about sex. It only makes sense, right? You can only go so long treating sex as if it’s the elephant in the room before you just have to start talking about it. It’s pretty much a universal understanding that the best way to get a happy and healthy sex life is by talking about it and talking about it as much as possible.

But for some, talking about sex can be awkward, if not terrifying. Even if you’ve been with your partner forever, you might struggle to formulate what you want to say, how you want to say, and when you should say it. While there’s no wrong time to talk about sex, per sex, when you’re not on a friendly level with the topic, all the time can feel like the wrong time. There’s nothing wrong with that, because we’re not all talkers, but communication in a relationship, in general, is something that everyone should try to get the hang of, at least a little bit. For starters, just think about the amazingly positive impact it will have on your sex life.

So whether or not you tremble at the thought of talking about sex with your partner or simply think your sex talk game could use some work, here are eight ways to communicate better about sex:

1. Talk About Sex During Sex

According to research, talking about sex while you’re having sex is great for your sex life. It shows openness and makes for higher rates of sexual satisfaction. And who doesn't want that?

2. Talk About Sex When You’re Not Having Sex

Maybe you don’t want to talk about sex over a holiday dinner at mom and dad’s, but talking about sex shouldn’t be reserved for just the bedroom — whether it’s mid-sex or post-coital. It might feel a little random to mention how great your partner was in bed the other night while you’re binge-watching your favorite TV show, but hey, there’s no time like the present — and it might lead to another round.

3. Introduce Some Porn

With more women than ever watching porn, it’s become a staple in many sex lives — and it can also be used as a means to communicate. Although porn is meant to be more for entertainment than a tutorial, it can still spark interest in different positions and sex acts. From here, you can infuse that into your sex life. In this way, porn becomes a medium that opens up a dialogue with your partner about sex.

4. Put A Positive Spin On Things

At some point in your sex life, you’re going to experience something that doesn’t feel so great and you’re going to have to tell your partner. But since you don’t want to hurt their feelings, it can seem like dangerous territory, but it really doesn’t have to be. Instead of just jumping right in and saying something isn’t working for you, start with a compliment about something they’re really good at, then suggest something they can do to make whatever they’re currently doing work better for you. Compliments before critiques can make everyone feel good.

5. Send Sexy Texts Or Emails

When it comes to communicating about sex, there’s nothing hotter than the written word — hence the reason erotica has become so popular. You may not be able to pen something as eloquent as Anaïs Nin, but in writing to your partner either your thoughts on sex or sexy little nothings to spice up their day, it's definitely a brand of communication you’ll both enjoy.

6. Share An Article You Read

Articles about sex, especially in the form of studies, are a great way to get the conversation about sex going with your partner. Not only are you educating yourselves, but you’re talking about it in a way that might feel more comfortable because it’s a bit more general than specific. Because of this, it can help with the anxiety and let you delve further into the topic than you might have without the article.

7. Be Vocal In Bed

For those you can’t find the words to talk about sex or text about sex, you can still communicate non-verbally. A 2012 study of 207 people found that those who communicated about sex without words, as in moaning and body language to show what they liked and enjoyed, were able to achieve sexual satisfaction just as much as those who used their words. It’s for these people that actions felt less threatening, so they did all their communicating by showing instead of telling.

8. Be More Open-Minded

Even if you think you’re as open-minded as you’re ever going to be, there’s probably still a bit more room to open up your mind about sex, as well as the sex conversation. If you’re going to communicate to the best of your ability, you need to be willing to see things from not just your perspective, but that of your partner.

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