9 One-Sentence Responses To Gay Marriage Haters

Even a whole year after SCOTUS declared marriage equality to be the law of the land, there are still some haters out there. Whether it's due to religion, "tradition," or an odd aversion to same-sex wedding cake toppers, some folks just can't seem to jump on the equality bandwagon. When the decision in Obergefell v. Hodges was released, vitriolic bullshit spewed from all corners of the Twitterverse. It was ugly. But now you can be prepared with these one-sentence responses to gay marriage haters.

Given their backward views, the haters' arguments probably haven't changed much. The "states' rights issue" argument should be pretty much dead on arrival, much like Rick Perry's presidential campaign, but unfortunately, it's not. Perry tweeted last June, "I’m a firm believer in traditional marriage, and I also believe the 10th Amendment leaves it to each state to decide this issue. #SCOTUS." A year later, Trump still continues to sell that opinion.

There were the religious haters, too. "The Supreme Court gave the government stamp of approval on an outrageously grotesque sin against God," the Westboro Baptist Church tweeted with the hashtag #doomed. A few Catholics were even more bleak: "The self-will unhinged from any external reference gallops apace toward a societal abyss in glamorization of sodomitic pornography."

What does one say to that?

Here's your guide to shutting down similar attacks without breaking a sweat, or 140 characters.

1) Love won.

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By now you surely know the LGBT slogan "Love Wins." Well in this case, love already won. You cannot appeal a Supreme Court ruling, folks. Only a few times in history has the court gone on to completely contradict itself — and one of the most famous instances was when the court legalized gay sex in Lawrence v. Texas, after upholding the ban on it in Bowers v. Hardwick. Perhaps the gay marriage hater you're arguing with needs more of a civics lesson.

2) No straight people were injured in the making of gay marriage.

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Unless the gay marriage hater is Caitlyn Jenner, odds are they're straight and cisgender. Try to explain to them, as politely as you can, that it's just not about them. Straight people are not part of the picture. You can also try the old, "If you don't like gay marriage, don't get gay married!"

3) Jesus had two dads, and he turned out OK.


Mary could even be considered the surrogate. But hold the joke — there's a bigger point here. Lots of opposition to same-sex marriage stems from concerns about children, and whether they need a mother and a father to flourish. Well, there are two problems with this. One, same-sex couples raise kids whether they're married or not. And two, it sounds like children of same-sex couples are even better adjusted, nicer little people.

4) We're not satisfied with marriage equality — we're going to take your guns, too.

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The last thing conservatives should be worried about is overturning marriage equality. Following the shooting at the Pulse nightclub, it has become ever clearer that progressives' work did not end with marriage equality. Universal background checks, assault rifle bans, and more are all on the table. The LGBT movement will keep moving forward, not back.

5) Careful, or we'll stick Anderson Cooper on you.

Think you can stand with the LGBT community and oppose marriage equality? Get ready to be grilled like Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi. Anderson went to town on her in an interview this past week. She said that anyone who attacks Florida's LGBT community would be gone after with the full extent of the law ... even though she spent taxpayer money trying to deny LGBT Floridians the right to marry. Anderson wasn't having it. Trust me, you want him on your good side.

6) If it's a conversation via text, email, or a chat platform, you can always try emoji.

Just in case there's a tween from Generation Z against marriage equality. It's always better to talk emoji.

7) This gay marriage thing is yuge, and America's finally winning again.

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Trump may not be for marriage equality, but that doesn't mean you can't use his bluster to sell your argument. Look at how gay marriage has proliferated. There are same-sex couples applying for licenses across all 50 states. And you know who doesn't have as much same-sex marriage as we do? China. Finally, there's something we're winning at.

8) You predicted the end times for SCOTUS, but ...


Westboro Baptist Church is lucky enough to have the Revelations Almanac, and they're well prepared to predict the doom and gloom of the governmental body responsible for equality under the law. "When they shall say, Peace & safety; then sudden destruction cometh,1Th5. We warned you #SCOTUS (!) #SCOTUSMarriage," the group tweeted back in June. They may have gotten the message just a little off. Antonin Scalia was the court's most fired-up gay marriage opponent, but he died in February.

9) Love is love is love is love is love.

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This argument probably won't sink in, but it is worth trying to make. Marriage equality is about love, after all.

Give your local marriage equality hater a hug, and try to show them real reason same-sex marriage means so much to you. Whether that's the love you share for your partner or that you hope your children, cousins, or friends find some day, try and help the hater see. Even when faced with bigotry, don't forget that love is patient and love is kind, even with someone you disagree with.