The Most Ridiculous Quotes From the Oscars' Red Carpet

Sure: the 2014 Oscars are all about celebrating cinema's finest achievements, but the pre-show is all about superficiality. The Academy Awards red carpet is the ultimate showcase for fashion and accessories obsessives and lovers of glamour in general. But with all that pomp, pouf, and circumstance, it's little surprise that every so often, a celebrity or host ends up saying something a little bit ridiculous. Sometimes funny, oftentimes head-scratchy, the best silliest moments of the evening often come from those lead-up moments to the big night. And so we've made it our civic duty to scour the red carpet shows for moments of levity and laughter before the oh-so-serious Oscars get underway.

We'll be updating this post as the carpet goes on so check back in and refresh often: You never know when a guffaw-induced moment will come to pass. After all, it's only a matter of time before Jennifer Lawrence gets aggressive about something food-related, George Clooney gets his prank on, or just how many times Jared Leto will confess his undying love for Lupita Nyong'o. It's the Oscars, folks. Anything goes when you've gathered a gaggle of this year's buzziest actorpeople, primped them within an inch of their lives, and tossed them onto a bright red carpet in the middle of Hollywood.

Without further ado, here are the most ridiculous red carpet quotes of the evening:

  • "Everybody loves you." - Ryan Seacrest lying to Giuliana Rancic
  • "She also showed up in secretary chic." - Ross Matthews on Sandra Bullock's style
  • "She lets her face and body do the talking." - Kelly Osbourne making astute observations about the logistics of communication.
  • "Basically, I'm using my hand-towel to dry myself off and I just realized it." - Kristin Chenoweth mocking herself for being a tiny, petite human.
  • "Two of us are inspired by JLo." - Ryan Seacrest on his fashion spirit animal.
  • "They look, like, fancy." - Ross Matthews making wildly astute observations on the red carpet fashion.
  • "It smells like a puff-ume." - Ryan Seacrest on Kristen Bell’s olfactory emanations.
  • "Or Pray-da, as we say in Kansas." - Jason Sudeikis channeling a bit of Nomi from Showgirls.
  • "It felt like I was one with the dress." - Amy Adams and/or Bjork on how she makes all of her sartorial decisions.
  • "Look at that, there's an army of fingers there." - Ryan Secrest's take on the mani-cam.
  • "Best Maureen ever!" - Giuliana Rancic on Idina Menzel while simultaneously trying not to sob over her crushed dreams.
  • "It is everything! She is everything!" - Everyone at E! suffering from LUPITA FEVER.
  • "You're blindly tweeting inside there?" - Ryan Seacrest regarding Chrissy Teigen's dress.
  • "How do you rehearse lines like that?" - Ryan Seacrest not understanding what acting is with Julie Delpy, Richard Linklater, and Ethan Hawke.
  • "Hashtag Nairobi Blue." - Kelly Osbourne's modernity shining through her fashion commentary.
  • "I love a bag with a pop." - Ross Matthews being Ross Matthews.
  • "Our evening in Santa Barbara was great." - June Squibb flirting with Jared Leto.
  • "Listen, I love his mom as well." - Ryan Seacrest, mother lover.
  • "I said 'Gross I wasn't a pole dancer! I was a stripper and it was on Broadway!'" - June Squibb making Tyson very uncomfortable.
  • "I can't hear you." - Bruce Dern doing his best Cranky Granddad on The Red Carpet impression.
  • "I feel like a creature." - Sally Hawkins on her dress.
  • "I think this could possibly be Dior!" - Kelly Osbourne speculating on the dress of Dior spokeswoman Charlize Theron.
  • "Amy Adams is dressing for herself tonight." - Kelly Osbourne, every 5 minutes.
  • "It's a bit of a risk to do red again." - Kelly Osbourne talking about Jennifer Lawrence's truly renegade fashion choices.
  • "She's dressing for herself for once." - Kelly Osbourne, saying the only 6 words she knows tonight (this time about Julia Roberts).
  • "Alicia, I'm going to kill you." - Giuliana Rancic pretending to be threatening and embarrassed that the attention was yet-again put on her.
  • "We got Jessica Roberts — I'm sorry, JULIA Roberts — in a black plum lace dress." - Tyson Beckford bringing his journalistic A-game.
  • "...All my friends are over at Trevor's house." - Tyson being super-professional.
  • "What is wrong with you?" - Jimmy Kimmel to the audience. (Also all of us to all of Hollywood at some point during this, probably.)
  • "I can't believe he still has a job!" - Will Smith on his old Fresh Prince cameraman, working the Oscars.
  • "I'm still problematic, I'm just not as problematic as I used to be." - Sandra Bullock being a RealTalk queen.
  • "I didn't want to say 'gazongas,' which is so tacky at the Oscars." - Giulana Rancic, arbeiter of class.
  • "The amount of air-kissing that's going on is just phenomenal." - Lara Spencer, brilliant observer.