My best friend just married her high school sweetheart. She had to endure four years of college where all of her friends and every new guy she met told her that she should end her long distance college relationship with her high school boyfriend and give the new crowd a try. But for her, it was easy. She always knew in her gut that she was making the right choice. And a long distance relationship is more than a huge choice — it's a sacrifice. She spent most of her nights in her dorm room, talking to him on video chat. She'd disappear on long weekends to go visit him. She'd spend months missing him. But in her gut, she knew that they were perfect partners and strong enough to make it through the distance.
For many, the evidence isn't that obvious. They go back and forth between feeling like they're missing out on experiences they should be having. They suffer from extreme doubt that the relationship is worth dragging through the distance and they have no idea if they can even trust that their partner is putting as much honor into the relationship as they are. If you're in college and holding onto a long distance relationship, these are 11 signs it's time to break it off:
It's Getting In The Way Of your Education
If you're having trouble staying on top of your studies because you're having to sacrifice your school time to take care of your relationship, that's not a good sign. Try to talk to your partner about scaling back on communicating or rethink your priorities.
You're Having Trouble Making Friends
If you're stuck in your dorm all weekend talking to your partner on Skype, you're not out making friends — which is important. You don't want to be in a relationship that keeps you from living your life to the fullest. A relationship should be the cherry on top.
You Don't Trust Your Partner
If your relationship is strong and worth holding on to, the two of you have a lot of trust for each other. You can live your lives separately but together just fine. If you don't trust each other, that's your first sign that it's not going to work out.
You're Putting In More Effort Than They Are
This long distance tango takes two. If the relationship is worth holding on to, you're both putting in equal effort. If you start to feel like you're carrying things, it might be a sign that your partner isn't as committed as you are.
You're Curious About Other People
If you're starting to feel like you have a wandering eye, that might mean that you're not fully satisfied with your long distance relationship. It might also mean that you're just curious, which is fine. Try to discern the difference.
Your Love Tank Is Not Full
It might not be enough for you, and that's OK. You shouldn't feel bad if you can't handle it, it's not for everyone. If you're feeling lonely and like whatever method of communication you have is not enough, be honest with yourself and be honest with your partner.
Visits Feel Like A Chore
Visits should be exciting. They should be a serious highlight. If you feel like you're just doing something that you have to do in order not to lose someone, you might want to rethink whether to not this is really worth holding on to.
The Spark Is Fading
When you see each other do you still get the same feelings you did before you left for college? It's natural to fade, but it should ebb and flow. If everything feels less and less romantic, the love might just be fading out for good.
You Don't Want The Same Future
If you're going to give someone four years of your life in a very partial way, you should be sure that it's for a future that you both see. If one of you wants to settle down in China and one of you wants to start a family right away in Chicago, you have an issue. Talk these things out — they can be deal breakers.
You Don't Want Them To Visit
Are you starting to like your space without them in it a little bit too much? If the relationship is meant to work in this capacity, you should be stoked to show them your new friends and your world. If you don't want them in it, that should be evidence enough — you don't want them, either.
You Feel Pressure To Stay The Same
We all change in college. If your partner liked the person who you were before you left and is pressuring you to stay the same, they might be getting in the way of some serious personal growth. The right person will roll with the punches and support your maturation and evolution. You should let college change you into who you're meant to be, not stay the same for the sake of keeping a long distance partner interested.