It's 2016. At this point, it should be common knowledge that you should buy every possible domain name that has anything to do with your personal or professional brand. I mean, honestly, people like Chad from JoJo Fletcher's season of The Bachelorette exist, and we all remember what happens when you click on TedCruz.com. However, it appears that presumptive Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton and her running mate, Sen. Tim Kaine, did not get the memo.
I encourage you now to head over to ClintonKaine.com. You, like me, were probably directed to a website titled "Hillary Potter."
Yep, ClintonKaine.com is all Harry Potter fanfiction.
An illustration at the top of the screen shows a woman dressed in blue with a scar on her forehead — presumably a Hillary Clinton-Harry Potter hybrid — dueling with a two-headed man with orange hair — presumably a Donald Trump-Voldemort-Professor Quirrell hybrid. Tim Kaine flies on broomstick overhead, and a trio of Dementors stand guard behind Trump-Voldemort-Quirrell.
The whole thing is actually hilariously clever, especially in light of recent research that suggests Harry Potter readers are more likely to dislike Donald Trump, most likely because his aggressive, dominating political style reminds them of the major villain of the Harry Potter series, Voldemort.
Fortunately, the website doesn't stop at the illustrations. Nope. There's actual fanfiction involved, and it all circles around Hillary's tough decision about who should be her VP. Here's a snippet from "Hillary Clinton and the Boredom of the Phoenix":
Hillary Potter stood at the precipice of a precipitous decision. The Democratic Magical Convention was three weeks away and she still didn't have a date. She had options: There was Julian Caster, a fellow Gryffindor, who certainly had promise. But Caster was only a first-year at Hogwarts, and Hillary had no idea how he would perform on the magical stage. Elizabeth Warlock — an ambitious Ravenclaw prefect — would turn some heads, but the two strong-willed wizards found each other unpleasant on a personal level.
That left Hillary with one obvious, safe choice: Timotonous Kaine from Hufflepuff. Yes, he was dull, and not particularly pleasing to the eye. But everybody seemed to agree that — aside from Helga Hufflepuff herself — there had never been a Hufflepuff as "Hufflepuff" as Timotonous Kaine.
So who's the genius behind this site? Hillary Potter was apparently written, calligraphed, and illustrated by Jeremy Pegg, who posted about the project on his personal Twitter.
But Pegg isn't just doing this for the love of fanfiction. He's also down to sell the domain name. You can make an offer (minimum: $1,000), or pay the "buy it now" price: a cool $90,000.
His website was online before Hillary Clinton officially announced Tim Kaine as her running mate on Friday evening, and it appears that Pegg also purchased ClintonBooker.com and ClintonBiden.com, as well as a slew of other domain names. (Covering all his bases — how very Hermione of him.) In any case, if Clinton caves and buys the domain name, Hillary Potter may not be up for long, so enjoy it while you can.
Images: Warner Bros.