The Signs You're Not Ready For A Relationship, According To Dating Experts
When you’re single, the desire to be in a relationship can be super strong, but as #goals as some couples look like from the outside, there is always the part of being part of a twosome that comes hand-in-hand with the romantic, awesome stuff.
While having someone to wake up to in the morning (and ahem, indulge in a little early morning play), sharing a bed with someone (even if you love them) can get old after a while. Having someone to split the bills with will save you money, but it also means you have to consider someone else with every swipe of your card.
When it comes to being in a place in your life — financially, emotionally, mentally — where you’re ready to be with someone else, there are several factors to consider. From learning how to compromise on the little things (and some big ones) to accepting (and learning to love) your partner’s shortcomings and imperfections — there’s a lot to balance if you want to be in a healthy, happy relationship.
If you’re not sure if you’re ready — then chances are, you probably aren’t. Though there is never perfect timing, ideal meet-cutes or the storybook story as you imagined it, dating experts shed insight on some signs you’re definitely not ready to make it FB official (yet):
1. You’re Always Wondering If Something Better is Out There
Wanderlust for travel is one thing, but that same wild spirit toward love could create an inability for you to commit to someone in a way that’s meaningful. Psychologist Nikki Martinez tells Bustle you might feel like “Who you’re with is never good enough or they aren’t the whole package for you.”
As you have more dating experiences, you might crave the comfortability and dependability of someone who is a real person — with flaws and all — instead of looking for a vision that’s in your imagination. But if you can’t let go of that dream just yet? Martinez says it’s not time to settle in.
2. You’re Talking Yourself Into It
Sometimes when you just really (really) want something (anything!) to work, you might try to talk yourself into the relationship that really feels more like a friendship. For this one, you might be ready to date someone — just not this particular person. But while you might want to be nice — it’s better to be blunt, both for them and for you. “Saying ‘let's be friends’ is a technique people use to avoid any unnecessary awkwardness,” dating expert and matchmaker Sarah Patt tells Bustle. “If you’re not interested after going on a date, then you don't have to pretend. As long as you are polite, it's OK to be honest and wish them well on their dating journey.”
3. You Can Never Be Faithful
Everyone views cheating in relationships differently. But here’s the kicker: if you consistently cheat on people, even when you’re in love with them, you need to figure out what’s making you stray. A good place to start? Martinez says to analyze the type of person you’re attracted to. “If you were having all of your needs met in a relationship and happy, you might not feel tempted to leave,” she explains. “You are likely cheating to fill a void that is either missing in the relationship or within yourself.”
4. You’re Really Hard On Yourself
“If someone isn’t at peace with who they are, they won’t be able to give a relationship their all,” Patt says. “Loving yourself is an important piece of the puzzle when it comes to connecting with the right person.” Before you start to whip open your dating apps or head to yet another happy hour, take time to explore your passions, your interests and your goals. When you build confidence doing things you love and supporting yourself with positive self-talk, your energy will attract the right person.
5. If You Struggle with FOMO… All the Time
“If you feel like you simply have never lived the life you’ve wanted or done the things you have wanted or needed to do, then why settle down?” Martinez says. “You should decide what is important and essential for you to do before you look for that special someone. By doing that, you’ll feel settled, ready and satisfied.”
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