It's way too easy to get into a sex rut. There's a common misconception that it's something that only happens when you've been together for years and years, but it's not as simple as that. I have a friend who stopped having sex with any regularity after about six months. They just lost the spark. The good news is that it came back — but it took some effort.
And I think, especially early on, we don't want to think of sex as being an "effort". We like to think of it as being naturally explosive and sexy and loving and amazing and intense all at once. But it's not always that easy. We're tired or stressed or just not feeling unimaginative, and we end up having sex the same way we always do. But sometimes our sex life needs something more.
“Maintaining sexual desire comes from the notion that sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable, like eating a good meal,” Dr. Dawn Michael, certified clinical sexologist, sexuality counselor, and author of My Husband Wont Have Sex With Me told Bustle. “The same dish over and over again gets boring.”
I'm a big advocate of bringing in toys, lube, or whatever else you feel like can add some spark back into your sex life. When you mix it up, you change your point of view and your relationship dynamic at the same time. Don't be scared to take the lead and try something out of the ordinary.
So here are seven sex positions that reignite the flame (and not a single one of them is missionary):
1. Weak In The Knees
How To Do It: One of you lies back and the other straddles your head, and then you can use your mouth, fingers, and toys to go to town. It's all about their pleasure.
Why It's Fiery: Because when you're just really going for it like that, there's nothing half-assed about it. It's an intense position, with lots of stimulation but also lots of intimacy. The ultimate in up close and personal.
2. Sitting In A Chair
How To Do It: They sit in a chair — a couch will also work or even a sturdy table — and you sit facing away from them. You can always mix it up by climbing on and facing the same direction, but facing away has a more animalistic feel. Don't be afraid to use your hands.
Why It's Fiery: Because it feels like you're doing something wrong by having sex literally wherever there's furniture available, and that forbidden aspect makes it extra hot. An easy way to mix things up.
3. Reverse Cowgirl
How To Do It: You've probably done cowgirl a lot, but people are more wary of this reverse cowgirl. All of the same principles are at play except you're facing their feet, but be careful — you can't see them so make sure you're listening up and checking in that everything's comfortable.
Why It's Fiery: It's basically the position that you'll feel sexiest in— it's all about your bodies. Loving sex is great, but this position is for when you want to feel like you're Nicky Minaj, which sometimes is even better.
How To Do It: It's like a big hug as a sex position. Your partner starts cross-legged, then you sit on top of them— you might want to try some lube — guiding them inside of you and wrapping your legs and arms around them. It's a slow moving position, so grind away.
Why It's Fiery: Some people need reverse-cowgirl to relight the flame and some need the intimacy of a position like this. You're up close and personal just enjoying each other and taking a minute to enjoy it. You'll definitely feel connected.
5. On Top Modified
How To Do It: The easier sister of reverse cowgirl, you're facing your partner this time. And this variation takes it up a notch, with them leaning against a pillow or the wall so your faces are closer together. You can bounce or grind, use your hands to play with your clit or to brace yourself — whatever feels best for you.
Why It's Fiery: It's got the sexy, going-for-it feel of girl on top plus the intimacy of being closer together. Perfect for dirty talk, views, or just reigniting the flame.
6. Sideways Straddle
How To Do It: It's a tricky one. Your partner lies with one knee bent and you straddle that leg, facing away from them. Slowly lower yourself down, and don't forget to use lube. I repeat: Use a lot of lube.
Why It's Fiery: It's something so far out of your normal routine that it's going to spark things up. Tackling a new or a tricky position together jolts you out of the boring zone and gets your excitement going again.
How To Do It: You know the drill — you get on all fours and spread your legs as much as you're comfortable with. Your partner kneels behind you or, for an extra tight fit, put your legs closer together. Don't forget your hands are free — so you better put them to good use.
Why It's Fiery: It's just the best. It's a super sexy position with a million variations. Enjoy!
Images: Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle