There are a lot of different factors you can mix up in your sex life to keep things hot and steamy. You can experiment with interesting sex positions, incorporate more sex toys, and explore the erotic world of dirty talk. But one of the simplest ways to spice things up is to just change the location of where you and your partner orgasm — because as functional as the bed may be, it can get a little bit boring after a while.
In our wildest sex fantasies, it's pretty common to imagine getting frisky in weird places. Some people are really into the idea of having sex in their parents' bed while they're not home, while others get turned on by the idea of doing it in a classroom in which they used to learn American history. Also, most of us have fantasized about sexing it up in a car, Titanic-style; in fact, 30 percent of us have actually been caught doing it in real life. On the long list of places we'd like to have sex, though, there are quite a few that are better in our heads than they are in reality. As exciting as it may seem to have sex on a beach, for example, the logistics of it often don't exactly work out the way you want them to. Trust me, when you've got sand stuck in your vagina and your eyeballs, you'll understand what I mean.
Here are nine completely overrated places to have sex.
1. In An Airplane
Some may disagree with me, but having sex with someone on an airplane is hyper-romanticized. First of all, let's think about it practically. The only place you can really get away with boinking is in the lavatory, and that bathroom is almost as small as it is smelly. There's urine all over the floor and all the surfaces are sticky. Besides, you could get in trouble with authorities — in some places, having sex on a plane is a criminal offense. Better to save the sexy time for long after you land.
2. In A Hot Tub
The concept of a hot tub is sexy. Everything is nice and steamy, and isn't the point of the whole thing to unwind? But when you actually start moving around in 104 degree water, you realize pretty quickly that it's hard to get anything done without sweating and panting and getting weirdly lightheaded. And certain forms of safe sex supplies won't even work in hot tubs — condoms may slip off or tear due to heat and chemical present in the tub, and spermicide may wash away. You might be better off doing what you got into the hot tub to do in the first place: totally relax.
3. On Your Roommate's Bed
Similar to wanting to have sex in your parents' bed, there's something excitingly forbidden about knockin' boots in your roommate's room. They could come home at any time, and the pure novelty of being somewhere different might get you all hot and bothered. However, it starts to get bizarre when you look around, and your roommate and her mom are smiling up at you from a picture frame. Then you can't help but notice that the whole bed smells a little bit like your roomie, and that just throws your whole game off.
4. On The Beach
Sand can be a real nuisance when it gets in places it's not supposed to be, and when you're trying to reach climax, the last thing you want to concern yourself with is blocking out the natural elements. And the sand isn't just annoying — it can cause genital abrasions, which may make you more vulnerable to STIs. And if you get caught, you could be violating your area's indecent exposure laws. It's an unfortunate thing to admit, because it's such a classic sex fantasy, but getting nasty on the beach is probably better left in our imagination.
5. In A Movie Theater
These days, most theaters have chairs with immovable armrests. Do you know how hard it is to position yourself on top of your partner with limited space like that? Your next option is to get on the floor, but let's face it, movie theater floors are one of the grossest things on the planet. And again, it totally violates indecent exposure laws.
6. Under A Waterfall
Back in the day, Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey made it look like the sexiest thing ever, but fornicating under a waterfall isn't a realistic way to make the most out of your sex life. The pressure alone from all that water pounding down on you could knock you over and send you toppling over an array of rocks — they may be picturesque, but waterfalls can actually be quite dangerous. Too dangerous! Too reckless! Listen to the reasonable things your mother would likely say if she knew you were trying to live out this fantasy.
7. In The Snow
For those who live in areas of the world where it stays cold for much of the year, I get that you're just trying to maintain your sex life in the midst of low temperatures — but you don't have to resort to intercourse in the snow. There's just no need to suffer the freezing cold touch of snow on your ass or your vag, so save the juice for when you get home in front of the fire.
8. In A Public Park
I don't know exactly how people make this happen, yet it's definitely been done before — but that doesn't mean that it should be done ever again. If it's in broad daylight, I suppose you could bring a blanket and cozy up under it with your sweetheart for an afternoon lay, but there are definitely better ways to heat things up. Call me paranoid, but I think the best case scenario is that some stranger witnesses your antics and is scarred for life; worst case scenario, you attract a crowd of onlookers, become an international news story, and, oh yeah, get arrested.
9. In The Car — While You're Driving
Having sex in a car is super sexy in most circumstance. It's a different story entirely, though, if one of you is currently driving the vehicle. As hot as it may sound, the risk of crashing your car — and probably someone else's — is pretty high when you choose to have sex in transit (plus, again, it's illegal in many places). Though one in six American has admitted to sex while driving, it's a no brainer: wait until you're out of the front seat before you take the exit to Pleasure Town.
Images: Fotolia; Giphy