We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we actually hear the nitty-gritty details of how we might actually achieve those things? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a licensed sex psychotherapist based in San Francisco, to help us out with the specifics. This week’s topic: the best places to have sex in public (or just trick yourself into thinking you are).
Q: My boyfriend has always wanted to have sex in public. I’d like to indulge this fantasy of his. Problem is, I’d actually be horribly embarrassed if anyone saw us! How can I give him that thrill without risking getting caught with our pants down?
A: Having sex in public places is one of those things that sounds delightfully naughty in theory, but doesn’t usually wind up being so hot in real life. Airplane sex is a great example. People get so worked up about joining the mile high club, but if you’ve been in an airplane bathroom anytime recently, you’ll realize that it’s one of the least sexy environments for getting down.
That being said, there is a thrill to the idea that you could get interrupted at any moment. If you’re interested in trying to add a little element of risk to your sex life — without winding up with a public indecency charge on your permanent record — here are some tips.
Tap Into Your Inner Exhibitionist
Here are some ways to try the fantasy on for size before you delve into actual sex in public.
Ease Your Way Into It
You don’t have to go whole-hog right away. If you’re not sure you’ll like public sex, try dipping your toes into the exhibitionist waters with a hot make-out session. Sit in your car in a crowded parking lot, sneak your boyfriend into a department store fitting room, or push him against the wall in an elevator. Kiss him passionately, fondle him over his clothes, and see if the prospect of getting caught turns you on.
Create Other Restrictions
Part of what makes public sex alluring is that you have to be fast, quiet, and sneaky. You can replicate these dynamics without having to risk strangers seeing your genitals. Try having sex when you’re traveling over the holidays; having to go extra slow to avoid making the bed springs creak can be thrilling. Or initiate sex 10 minutes before dinner party guests are due to arrive.
Make Your Home A Little Less Private
Open the doors, windows, or blinds in your apartment to get a taste of public sex without the risk. If you have top-down blinds, you can peek your heads out into the world while keeping your bodies covered. Or you can do it up against the wall next to an open door leading out to your balcony or back porch. If your next door neighbors are outside or within earshot, keep the windows open and try getting it on without making a peep.
If your boyfriend is turned on by the idea of other people watching him, tell him to jack off in front of you. You can even role-play a little and “accidentally” catch him enjoying some private time with himself. Or watch him over video chat from the other room. It’s exhibitionism without the strangers!
Put A Mirror Near The Bed
OK, so this isn’t quite the same as public sex, but you can pretend that your reflections are actually other people watching and imitating you. Plus, the thrill of watching yourselves can be just as alluring as having strangers watch you.
The Best Places To Actually Have Sex In Public
If these tips aren’t enough to satiate you or your boyfriend, here are some of the safest places to have public sex. An important note, though: Please remember to respect the people around you! The idea of getting caught might be sexy, but it’s not worth traumatizing some poor, unsuspecting soul just so you can get your rocks off. Don’t be these people.
If you have tinted windows, the world is your oyster! Jump into the backseat and grab a blanket for extra precaution. If your windows aren't tinted, limit your escapades to the evening hours. Try parking in an empty parking garage or near a quiet construction site. If you sit on his lap, you’ll be able to make a faster emergency get-away if you see someone approaching.
Deserted Parks Or Beaches
The risk of getting caught won’t be very high, but you’ll get the excitement of being fully out in the open. Just watch out for sand and poison oak!
The next time you’re away on vacation, look at the windows of your hotel from the outside. If they’re tinted, you and your boyfriend can have flagrantly exhibitionistic sex without risking being seen. If they're not, have sex on the ground in missionary position or doggy-style. The angle should keep anyone from spotting you.
With holiday party season in full effect, you may soon find yourselves with the opportunity to duck into a single-stall bathroom for a few hot minutes. Lock the door, bend over the sink, and go to town as quickly as you can! If there are people milling around the entrance, pretend that one of you is sick or needs assistance getting into the restroom. Just don’t do it in a friend’s home, in a handicapped restroom, or if there’s a line waiting.
A Movie Theater
The armrest situation can make intercourse a little tricky, but you can give each other hand jobs in the darkness of the back rows. Just be careful with this one — you could very well get caught and/or traumatize a witness.
Empty College Classrooms Or Libraries
Check the class schedule or post up far away from the elevator to make sure you won’t get interrupted. Wear a skirt or dress with no underwear on underneath to make things even easier.
A Private Roof Deck
Duck behind the wall or ledge, so you can hide everything going on below the waist while still looking out on the world.
Good luck, and stay safe!
Images: FOX, Mandee Carter/Flickr, Giphy