If you've ever wondered what Jake Peralta and Captain Raymond Holt would do if they weren't detectives in the NYPD, the Season 4 premiere of Brooklyn Nine-Nine answered that burning question loud and clear. The episode picked up where we last left off with Jake and Holt as they adjusted to their new lives in Coral Palms, Florida as part of the witness protection program following a death threat from last season's notorious criminal Jimmy Figgis after they busted his operation. But just because these detectives are in the Sunshine State doesn't mean that their time in their new home is sunny and bright — in the metaphorical sense, that is — especially when Jake and Holt reverse roles.
Seeing Holt power walk with a trio of elderly Coral Palms residents, including TV legend Rhea Perlman, may be the best opening to an episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine ever, and that's pretty much all I need to be entertained for 30 minutes, 22 if you're not counting commercials. However, there's some serious business to take care of early on in the episode: dissecting Jake's mental state. While Holt may be yukking it up with his neighbors as his new persona, Greg, Jake, whose new identity is Larry, is depressed about being away from his old life at the Nine-Nine — and I mean eating-soggy-burritos-in-a-hot-tub depressed.
That is so much the case that Jake has been secretly working on the Figgis case in a storage unit that adorably has a photo of his girlfriend Amy on the wall. When Holt discovers that Jake has really been spending his days basically being a cop instead of selling ATVs in his new job like he's supposed to, which he was tipped off about after Jake said he was right about giving this whole Florida thing a try, the onetime NYPD captain tells Jake that he better do a better job of keeping his true identity a secret or he'll put both their lives in danger and jeopardize the Figgis case, as a U.S. Marshal played by Maya Rudolph tells them early on in the episode.
Well, be careful what you wish for, Holt, because Jake does just that, nabbing a job as the new assistant manager at Frank's Fun Zone, which was a promotion highly sought after by Holt, who is an employee there. Yes, you read that right. Jake is Holt's boss. Let the hilarity ensue!
And it does as Jake makes Holt's life a living hell, which I can imagine is not too difficult to do when you work at an arcade. Not only does Jake nickname Holt "Mr. Fart," but he also makes his former superior rap during a child's birthday party, clean out one of the mini-golf holes, and don a corn dog costume while yelling, "Me so corny!" It's during that last punishment, I mean, task that Holt and Jake get run over by a go-kart on the course, which is filmed by one a customer at Frank's Fun Zone with the intention of having the video go viral on the Internet, thus putting their safety in danger.
The only thing to do about that is to track down the woman and make her delete the video, right? Well, that's exactly what Jake and Holt do, but it's not so easy. Who knew her tattoo of Jesus punching Bin Laden in the nuts would be so popular among Coral Palms' denizens? Luckily, the woman wore he high school ring that day, so Jake and Holt rushed over to her alma mater. Jake distracted the woman at the front desk by pretending to be an exterminator, which involved some real-live snake-wrangling, while Holt looked up the school's records.
Once they found the woman, Jake and Holt finally convinced her to let them delete the video by giving her $15,000. But there was one snag there, too. The stacks of dollar dollar bills were really just some 20s placed on top of corn dog coupons, which the woman found out and pulled out of the deal before Jake could press "delete." However, he switched the woman's phone with a fake after a little tussle, so it seemed like it was another successful mission for the Nine-Nine!
Well, it would have been if Holt didn't preemptively criticize Jake for half-assing everything since they've been in Florida. The two then went their separate ways, and Holt finally became assistant manager, which would have been a happy occasion for him until it dawned on him that he could be stuck in Florida for the next two to three years or longer.
It was in that moment that Holt decided to apologize to Jake and suggest that they team up to lure Figgis to Florida by posting that funny video of them online. Then maybe they can finally catch the bad guy and go home. "It's Holt. Captain Raymond Holt," Holt said to Jake as he reaffirmed his true identity as the baddest captain in the NYPD. I don't think words spoken by Holt have ever made me so giddy.
Of course, I'm dying to see Jake and Holt reunited with their Nine-Nine gang once again. Luckily, Episode 2 of this season should bring us back to what's been going on back at the precinct as Ken Marino comes in to play Holt's replacement while he's in the witness protection program, Entertainment Weekly reported in August. And I can only imagine that the detectives holding down the fort are having as tough a time being away from Jake and Holt as they're having.
Images: Jordin Althaus/FOX; Giphy (3)