'Nymphomaniac' Sex? Boring!

"Sex" and "boring" are not terms you hope to have in the same sentence, unless you're reading an OMG! Worst Sex Stories EVER piece in Cosmo (and even then, you hope to hear about misplaced food objects or something). But Charlotte Gainsbourg and Stacy Martin said filming the sex scenes in Nymphomaniac: Part I were "boring." BUT THE MOVIE IS THE SEX MOVIE. Shouldn't it be fun? Exciting? Raunchy and raucous?

C'mon, people, this isn't porn. Get your horny, prepubescent selves together! In fact, you'll be disappointed if that's what you want to see. The two-part Lars Von Triers movie is more than just bodies doing sexual thangs. It's art. (Puts scarf on.) It's weird art sex! Sex art? Ew.

Stacy Martin, 23, who plays Joe, the titular nymphomaniac, in her younger years and Charlotte Gainsbourg, 42, who plays Joe in her older years, chatted with Huffington Post Entertainment to tell them what it was like filming the graphic sex scenes.

For starters, Martin and Gainsbourg used porn body doubles for the actual sex scenes. Otherwise, Martin said she wore a prosthetic vagina, and Gainsbourg blew a guy who wore a fake dick. This serves as an "aha!" moment if you ever wondered if or why prosthetic body parts exist. However, switching in and out with the body doubles for the sexxxxxxxy scenes (that's right, that many x's), makes it a little, er, technical, and takes like all of the x's out of sexxxxxxxy, and that's just not the most exciting kind of acting there is.

Martin said, "To film them [the sex scenes] is quite boring. It’s so technical, and what’s great in the way Lars works is that he gives you a lot of freedom. And suddenly we were sort of puppets." Eek, that sounds creepy. "You know, the ones with the strings attached?" We know. "Suddenly there’s someone going, “No, the porn double had her hand like this, and she was breathing a bit more, so the ribcage expands a bit more.”"

To reiterate, NOT SEXY. NOT AROUSING. Martin added, "You just think, “Oh, this is so un-erotic.” And people always question me, like, “Do you ever get aroused?” Geez, if you knew how it went down, it’s the last arousing situation ever."

But most importantly, we need to stop focusing on the sex (but have you seen the NSFW trailer?), because this is a woman's story. Martin said, " [...] she [Joe] says, “I’m a nymphomaniac,” and that’s it. She’s a nymphomaniac and she moves on with her life. Yes, there’s a lot of sex, but it’s also her life story, and that’s part of her life."

She went on to tell us to very politely to shut the eff up and stop fixating on the sex. "Sex is part of everyone’s life — that’s why we’re here, because we reproduce the same way. So it’s interesting to hear people’s take on it. Why are you so scared to talk about sexuality?"

Good question. Better question? Yeah, we shouldn't be focusing on the sex, but the title of the movie does connote "person who is addicted to sex." Should we go back to focusing on artsy stuff? Or should we focus on Shia LeBeouf?

You can watch the first installment of the boring-to-film but probably intriguing to watch movie that's apparently more than just sex as of this Friday, when it's released in theaters. The second installment will hit theaters in April.

Image: Central Partnership