5 Times I Brought Up Donald Trump For No Reason

Ugh, I think Trump is so terrible. Of course I feel this way. I am not your ultra-conservative relative who torments you on Facebook; I have had a Tumblr since 2009. I hate Trump! What a joke! What a disgrace! What a waste of breath! Yes, yes of course.

But, considering all of that... I do bring him up a lot. Like, more often than your partner of three years asks you how your day was. If I were to rank conversation topics by how frequently I bring them up, it would be: My hair, my dog, Trump, the weather, the 2/3 subway train, and my boyfriend's parent's divorce. Why do I talk about Trump so much? Why even subject my beautiful brain to such an infuriating topic?

Because it is kinda fun to be mad. I never get to be outwardly mad! I really have no other outlet for my aggression. Plus, people join in when I bring him up! No one joins in when I bring up how outrageous it is that french onion soup in restaurants always use chicken broth, but everyone wants to get mad about Trump. Now I know what sports fans feel like when anything in sports happens. They are always angry about something and they get to commiserate about it with their kind. Oh, it is so fun! Here are five times, for better or for worse, when I brought up Trump just because I like being mad:

1. In the Kitchen, When I Realized I Had No Milk For Cereal

I love cereal. It is my favorite four food groups. When I realized I had no milk, the devastation hit hard. One of my roommates walked into the kitchen and I immediately mentioned a comment Trump made about women being fat monsters or something. 30 minutes later and I am shoving handfuls of Special K Chocolatey Delight into my mouth while viciously injecting "yups" during my roommate's own Trump rant.

2. Alone At A Bar

This one sounds bad. I am not alone at a bar a lot! But when I want to kill time, I am. Okay, this is not what this article is about! Anyway, I was bored and my book was bad and I was hungry. So when the bartender came over to ask me if I wanted another drink, I said something like "Haha, yes please, I just read another crazy thing Trump said." It was not even true! Why did I say that? Is it a very specific tic now? But then we both got to talking about Trump and it was indeed cathartic.

3. Getting An X-Ray

Sometimes x-ray technicians can be very chatty, did you know that? I guess it makes sense. We are alone in a room together and there is nothing really interesting going on besides a machine looking inside of me. Well, I think you all know what I do with a chatty person by now. He wanted to talk about the book I am reading. That did not last long.

4. While Petting A Stranger's Dog

What am I supposed to do, ignore the person who owns the dog I am connecting with? That would be so rude.

5. At Home Visiting My Republican Family

Okay, this is the big one. My Republican family does not support Trump, but they are not as willing to engage with me in rants because they hesitate to talk politics with me. This I understand; I am not very nice about it. I get angry. Like I said, I do not have many outlets for my anger. But when I get mad about politics, I feel justified because I feel like I am sticking up for other people. So, I get a little mean. I try bringing up Trump a lot around my family so I can criticize their side and it is not nice. I am not proud of this.

But the election will be over soon. I know, because like your Grandma who knows when it will rain, I can feel when a woman is about to become president. And I will lose this source of catharsis. This is a blow. It is nice to feel like all of America's problems are in one small, small man. It is much less socially acceptable to bring up police brutality in a bar. Or unjust acquittal of rapists when you are petting a sweet dog. For a short yet seemingly very long time, I had a very good and orange punching bag. I will miss him. I mean. You know what I mean.

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