Pretty much everyone I know can start to feel insecure in life sometimes. In their work, in their relationship, and definitely in the bedroom. Whether it's struggles with body positivity or just the general fear of not being good enough, it can have a huge affect on your sex life. Don't feel badly, because we've all been there. You just need to have that right tools to help you build confidence in the bedroom. And sometimes, it all starts with the position. Besides missionary, which you probably feel the most comfortable in since you're likely most familiar with it, there are a lot of options for when you're feeling insecure.
"Sex is one of the most vulnerable acts we can engage in," Sarah Watson, sex therapist and counselor tells Bustle. "Insecurities can come from everywhere: previous relationships, media, music, our own expectations, and lack of experience. Own it and learn from it if you want to work on it."
Even when you're feeling insecure— I know it's not easy— but you should try to be proud and remember how sexy you are to your partner. The skin-to-skin contact is more about connection, which can be really reassuring if you're in an insecure place while having sex. Touch can have an amazing steadying affect, and so can eye contact, which really lets you focus in on the moment and helps let your worries go for the time being, so you'll find a lot of that as well.
So here are five great sex position for when you're feeling insecure, because it shouldn't stop you from having a good time:
1. Three-Legged Dog
How To Do It: I know this doesn't seem like a really "secure" position — unless you have amazing balance— but try it with your back against the wall. Lean into it, separate your legs, and hike one leg over their hip while your partner enters you. Lube might be required.
Why It Will Make You Feel Secure: With your body pressed between the wall and your partner, you're being supported on both sides. You also have great eye contact and you're in great whispering range so they can give you a pep talk.
2. In A Chair
How To Do It: While your partner sits on a chair, straddle their legs while facing them and lower down onto them. You can bounce up and down, but grinding will give you a closer, more intimate experience.
Why It Will Make You Feel Secure: Not only do you have the face-to-face element, but they can talk to you and help guide you with their arms wrapped around your shoulders or hips. It's very close and really reassuring — like cowgirl with training wheels.
How To Do It: Really easy, you sit on the edge of a bed or couch while your partner sits on the floor. Then hands, tongues, toys, there's room for everything — you can even spread your legs to give them more room.
Why It Will Make You Feel Secure: Some people don't like making eye contact when someone is going down on them, they can feel insecure or awkward about it. If you lean back onto your elbows you can disappear into your own little world and just enjoy.
4. Face To Face
How To Do It: Lie down facing each other. It helps if your pelvis is slightly higher than his, so put one leg over their hips and move closer so they can enter you. You might want to use lube for this one. Once you get it, enjoy the slow, deep thrusting and rocking.
Why It Will Make You Feel Secure: It's basically the pillow talk position but with sex. You're close enough to kiss, make eye contact, and talk. Your bodies are completely pressed into each other and you're both super comfortable. It's a really grounding position.
How To Do It: Your partner sits cross-legged — maybe sitting on a pillow or blanket if that's more comfortable, because you're probably going to be there a while. You then sit in their lap while facing them, guiding them into you and then wrapping your arms and legs around them.
Why It Will Make You Feel Secure: I mean, this position is all about feeling connected and secure. You're literally just hugging each other and taking a break to be in the moment. Just relax and enjoy it — it's like sex and a cuddle in one.
Images: Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle