The road to a relationship is often paved with worries and anxiety. Is he going to call? Does she like me? Is this whole thing going to work out? It can be rough, and we all think (hope?) that we won't worry in our relationship — if only things could become official. And yet, unfortunately, this doesn't always make a helluva lot of difference.
Of course, this somewhat gloomy outlook doesn't apply to everyone. There exists many a couple who are worry-free, and ones who go about their relationships sans anxiety. But there are also plenty of us out there who worry all the damn time. (Again, is he going to call? Does she like me? Is this whole thing going to work out?)
If this is you, it can help to put all your worries out on the proverbial table. "Some issues that we incessantly worry about with regards to our relationship can be easily resolved ... by talking and opening up to our mate," says relationship expert Talia Wagner, in an email to Bustle. "They can help us see the issue more clearly, normalizing something that we could have been irrationally obsessing about."
It can also help to remember that not all worries are worth our time and attention. Read on for some that you can banish to the back of your mind, all in the name of a happier and healthier relationship.
1. Whether Or Not Your Partner Is Trustworthy
If you guys have had some problems in the past — maybe one of you cheated, or you temporarily broke up — then it's to be expected that y'all might have some trust issues. But if you want to move forward, and have a healthy relationship, then this shouldn't be an issue. "Trust is an essential foundation of a relationship," said relationship writer Carly Spindel on StyleCaster.com. So either have it, or make the decision to move on.
2. If Your Relationship Is "Working Out"
General worries about whether or not it's working out, or whether or not things are OK, are a complete waste of time. "Because worrying generally tends to be a problem-focused pastime, we engage in it despite the fact that it doesn't move us toward a solution," Wagner says. "So since it does not advance us in any meaningful way and nothing actually changes as a result of it, worrying about our relationship is not worth doing at all."
3. What Kind Of Message You're Sending On Social Media
We all know the couple who shares a few photos a day on Facebook. But we also know the ones who keep their relationship 100 percent offline. Neither is right and neither is wrong, so don't feel like you have to post if you truly don't want to. (Or vice versa.) Do whatever feels right, according to you and your SO.
4. How Much Time You're Spending Apart
If you spend a lot of time away from you partner, you might start to worry that it's the beginning of the end. But, in many cases, it's just a sign of a healthy relationship. "You should pat yourself on the back for being aware that spending some time apart gives you a chance to miss each other," said Spindel. "Once you’re comfortable in a relationship, you realize that spending time apart actually makes your bond stronger.
5. Whether Or Not You SO Will Cheat
Again, this one can be a huge worry if it's happened in the past. And yet some people obsess over the possibility of their partner cheating, even when they show zero signs of straying. Not only does this make for miserable life for you, but it can also stir up problems that wouldn't otherwise exist. So give yourself a break, and decide to trust your partner. (See tip numero uno.)
6. Being Weird In Front Of Each Other
Whether it's peeing with the door open, building pillow forts in the living room, or talking to each other in a made up language, you two are probably pretty darn weird. And that's totally OK. "Once you’re relaxed in the relationship, you don’t feel the need to hold back your eccentricities," said Spindel. Go ahead and be truest yourselves — regardless of what's considered "weird."
7. What Your Friends Think
Of course you should heed your friends' advice if they have strong objections to your relationship. After all, they can see things from an outside perspective, and only want the best for you. But don't let their words muddy your own opinion. "I had to deal with some of this same stuff when I started dating my boyfriend (now husband) several years ago," wrote relationship expert Monique A. Honaman on eHarmony.com. "Some people thought we were moving too quickly ... But, my heart knew it was right." Trusting your own gut is often the way to go.
8. Going To Bed Angry
The whole "don't go to bed angry" rule is the oldest one in the book. And yet, it doesn't always make a lot of sense. "Sometimes sleeping on it and waking up with a fresh perspective is a lot better than bickering until 2 a.m. on a work night," said lifestyle writer Michele Ruiz on Cosmopolitan. If you're tired or over it, then go to bed. The problem can, and will, wait until morning.
9. How Much Sex You're Having
Your best friend tells tales of her nightly sex marathons, while you and your partner do it maybe... once a month? If this is your top concern, never fear. "The simple truth is that everyone is different and there is not a 'norm' for sexual behavior," said Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S, on HuffingtonPost.com. As long as you both feel like your needs are being met, then it's not worth fretting over.
10. Who They Are Texting
Does your partner get texts from their friend? You know, the cute one that you've yet to meet? Well, this can understandably prick up your paranoia antennae. And yet you don't necessarily have to worry, according to Spindel. If you are with the right person, and you both trust each other, there's nothing wrong with your partner having such friendships.
11. Whether Or Not You Share The Same Taste
Identical taste in movies can be the foundation for a happy relationship, but it's most definitely not a requirement, according to Ruiz. As long as you guys are on the same page for the big things — like where you see the relationship going, or whether or not you want kids — then you'll be a-OK.
So go ahead and toss the rest of these worries right on out the window. You'll both be much happier as a result.
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