11 Signs You May Not Be Cut Out For Marriage, Because It's Not For Everyone
Most people assume that everyone wants to find their ultimate soulmate, get married, and stay together forever. However, marriage isn't always right for everyone, and if you're questioning whether it's something you want, you might want to consider the signs you're not cut out for marriage. Whether you're not a fan of monogamy, or you just don't feel like walking down the aisle, the married life might not be the life for you.
"Many perceive that marriage isn’t right for them out of fear of being vulnerable, fear of failure, or a fear of being unsuccessful," says relationship expert Alexis Nicole White over email. "They may have seen their parents fail at marriage or they may have experienced disappointments that have caused they to question rather or not this is for them."
Not tying the knot is becoming increasingly more common in our generation. A Pew Research report found that 25 percent of Millennials will never got married, which is a historic high. Reasons for this decision vary, but researchers note that many make this choice partly because they don’t have jobs and partly because marriage is becoming less highly-regarded.
Everyone has their own idea of the future, but for some, marriage just doesn't fit into the equation. If you're unsure about whether a lifetime of commitment is for you, consider these 11 signs you may not be cut out for marriage.
1. Commitment Doesn't Interest You
Some of us can't even stay committed to a place to live or even what to eat for breakfast, let alone one person — and that's OK. However, sticking to one person forever might not be right for you. "If you’re not able to actually practice being in a monogamous relationship, then that is a clear indicator that you’re not ready for marriage," says White.
2. You Have Serious Trust Issues
"Even friendships require a level of trust," says White. "If you are unable to trust others without insecurities being present, this is a clear indicator that you’re not ready for marriage." Maybe you just need some time to work on your trust issues, but they should be cleared up before you take the plunge with someone else.
3. You're All About You, All The Time
Everyone ultimately has to make the best decision for themselves, but if you find that it has to be your way, all the time, that's probably not the best recipe for marriage. "Marriage is not just for you — it is for the other person too," says White. "It is designed to break you out of selfishness into selflessness. If you cannot put your partner’s needs above your own, then you’re definitely not ready for marriage."
4. You See Marriage In A Negative Light
Viewing a lot of bad relationships can have a long-lasting impact on your perception of marriage. "A lot of people perceive marriage in a negative light because they have not seen healthy or successful relationships," says White. "They are holding on to the previous hurts and offenses from relationships that are not theirs."
5. You're Convinced Marriage Will Always End In Divorce
Not everyone who had divorced parents hates marriage, but if you've lost all faith in commitment because of your upbringing, it's something to consider. "Children that have been a byproduct of a painful/hurtful divorce are less likely to be optimistic about marriage as they have seen the consequences of what it means to live unhappily with a person that they love," says White. Feelings of unresolved disappointment, abandonment and cyclical about marriage will definitely help discourage one from believing that they are capable of getting married or being marriage material."
6. You're Married To Your Career
"Many people have careers they love and spend most of their waking hours on their careers," says relationship and dating expert April Davis over email. "They don't have a balance in their lives, and some don't even want balance. They've created their whole identity and purpose around their career." There's nothing wrong with committing yourself to your job, especially if you're passionate about it, but there likely isn't much space for a relationship or a family if that is the case. And that's totally OK.
7. You're In A Time Of Transition
"Perhaps you have some major life changes happening or that have occurred recently," says Davis. "Maybe you've moved, just got out of college, someone close to you has passed away, or you're starting a new career path. These are all major life changes and may be a good reason to not walk down the aisle anytime soon or make any other major life- impacting decisions."
8. You Don't Follow Cultural Norms
Marriage is a cultural construct, and just because everyone is doing it doesn't mean you have to. "If you're someone who just marches to the beat of your own drum and doesn't agree with many social norms, perhaps marriage isn't right for you," says Davis. You can still have a long and happy committed relationship (or many!), without having to fit into society's roles.
9. You Can't Live With Other People
"I'm an advocate of people living together before marriage because not only do you learn a lot more about your future significant other (perhaps they have a secret porn addiction you wouldn't have discovered otherwise), but you can see how good of a roommate the both of you are," says Davis. "Living together can cause many disputes, so if you're not a great housemate, maybe it's best you don't get married and avoid the whole divorce thing altogether."
10. You're Unhappy On Your Own
The goal of marriage shouldn't be the key to your happiness. "Many people look to have someone else to fill a void in their life and make them happy," says Davis. "It's necessary to maintain some of your individuality and have your own life and not be so dependent on someone else to be your hobby/entertainment/source of happiness."
11. You Keep Putting Off Engagement
"You are in a long-term relationship, really care about and love the person, but keep postponing engagement for a variety of reasons, none of them really valid," says psychotherapist and relationship coach Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC over email. "People who do this often have more than one long-term relationship this has happened with. It's a sign they have a block/fear/reason to think marriage is not right for them."
Ultimately, the decision is your own. And the end of the day, marriage has to be something you want and that fits well into your life in order for it to work for you. If it doesn't work for you — that's totally fine. Don't let society tell you it isn't.
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