OK, '90s kids, I'm going to need you to suspend disbelief for a second, because this Harry Potter x Teletubbies crossover fan theory might be a little more than your psyche was prepared to handle today. To be fair, though, most of 2016 has been more than your psyche was prepared to handle — so really, do yourself a favor and take a look at this highly-researched, seemingly legit, inarguably #blessed internet nonsense. But first, let us take a trip in our collective time machines back to 1997, before you let your Tamagotchi get run over by the school bus. (RIP.)
As Joshua Barrie of the Daily Mirror notes, in 1997, we were first introduced to four magical heroes: Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, Laa Laa, and Po. (Side note: If you aren't singing that in your head right now, you are not a true '90s child.) Not two months after they hit the BBC, another round of magical British heroes took the forefront in the form of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone . And while it would be many years before we fully understood the infinite scope of J.K. Rowling's brain and appreciated just how many seeds she planted in the seven book series, we might still have missed one. Specifically, a Teletubbies-related one.
BEFORE YOU TELL ME THAT THIS IS FAR-FETCHED, imagine for a moment an early '90s J.K. Rowling, penning the first Harry Potter books with her young daughter Jessica. Yes, Teletubbies wasn't technically airing until after she'd finished the first draft of Sorcerer's Stone, but that doesn't mean it was too late to influence one of the major plot points at the end of the books: the Deathly Hallows.
Look at the little rods they used to communicate with their Baby Sun God. The Teletubbies are Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
Before we get up in arms on this, we all remember that Laa Laa was, indisputably, the best Teletubby. I have no rhyme or reason for defending myself on this, except that we all just kind of inherently knew that the way we inherently knew who our favorite Olsen twin was. So yeah, if one of them was going to be representative of Harry Potter, it would be Laa Laa.
Then we have Tinky-Winky as the Invisibility Cloak, which makes sense, because nobody cared about Tinky-Winky (come at me). Then there's Dipsy as the Elder Wand — let's be real, Dipsy was always messing stuff up in their homeland, so I'm sold on that, too. Finally we have Po as the Resurrection Stone, which makes sense, because despite the fact that he is the youngest of the squad (good god, how do I still know this after 19 years?), he clearly has the hungry eyes of a Teletubby who plans to live forever.
OK, truth be told, this is sheer insanity. But it's Monday, and we need it. So thanks, Laa Laa, the Teletubby Who Lived, for making this world a safer place for us all.
Images: BBC; Warner Bros.
